TRANSCRIPT
*Transcripts are auto-generated and reviewed for accuracy, but there may be some errors in punctuation or words. Listen to the podcast at https://rabbidaniellapin.libsyn.com/ for clarification.
The Rabbi Daniel Lapin Podcast
Episode: Is Age Just A Number? Make The Most Of Your 20s
Date: 01/19/23 Length: 1:13:34
Daniel Lapin 0:00
Greetings, happy warriors. And as always, it is my supreme pleasure. And it is my ultimate privilege to be able to share with you on the Rabbi Daniel Lapin show where I, your rabbi reveal how the world really works. And it's a privilege because each of you happy Warriors is somebody who is joyfully grappling with every challenge that life throws at you. Each of you happy Warriors is struggling to improve your relationships with your money, your finances, your relationships with your family, your relationships with your friends, your relationship with your own bodies, and your relationship with a boss with God as well, the faith area too. And none of this is easy. Right families place demands on one, there are things you have to do in order to be a responsible person with respect to your family, there are things you have to do to be responsible about your finances, there's things you have to do to be responsible as a friend, not necessarily always doing everything or, or feeling required to do everything that is asked of you. Sometimes some of the hardest things are saying no, to knowing where boundaries are, to know what your own limits are. And all of these things, to be able to do all of this with a song on your lips, and joy in your heart. That's what makes you a happy warrior. When your children are not even aware of how stressed you are by a work challenge, when your friends are able to relate to you, and you're able to relate to them, and you're able to keep appointments and maintain relationships, even when things are tough. And to do all of that with a spring in your step and a song on your lips. All of that is what makes you a happy warrior. And what makes me your rabbi feel as privileged as I do. Now, I really don't know, you know, whether those of you who enjoy watching the show on YouTube, enjoy doing that, more than listening to it on one of the many audio podcast podcast platforms, I have absolutely no idea what your preferences are. But visit the website at RabbiDanielLapin.com. And and do let me know. You know, I'm well aware that that the visual version of of the show lacks the bells and whistles. You know, this is not exactly a high tech set. Not exactly the kind of set that suddenly going to change. It's no longer going to be my library behind me. But it's all of a sudden going to be a speeding airplane, and then it's going to become a tall building going up in time lapse photography. Now I'm afraid this is me in my library and enjoying the opportunity of talking with you. But does it? Does it mean something? Is there any value in the visual in the video version? Or are you just as happy with with the audio version, as things are at the moment, of course, we publish both the audio and the video simultaneously and and you get hopefully to enjoy them as you wish.
Daniel Lapin 3:53
Today's podcast is entitled, "Is age, just a number and make the most of your 20s." And so this is for you, regardless of what your age is, regardless of whereabouts in life you are. There is ancient Jewish wisdom here that I hope will be useful to you. Either in your own life or perhaps in the lives of younger people that you maintain a relationship with that you'd like to provide with some guidance in where they are. And maybe this is really just one of those things where you listen and you say to yourself, I wish I would have known about this when I was 19 And I think that's probably you know if there's anything of a patent we get a lot of mail from from you all which we appreciate greatly. And if there is anything of a pattern if there's anything that is a regularly reoccurring mean that crops up again and again. And again, it's when we get letters that say, I wish I would have known what you've taught, when I was 18. Or when I was 19. Or when I was 20, we get that an awful lot. And yes, regret is painful, there's no question about it, it's probably one of the most painful emotions we can experience. So this is not in any way meant, obviously, to cause you feelings of pain and regret. Although we all have them Don't worry about different things. And so at any rate, what what stimulated this, because I've heard this phrase, like 10 times in the last two or three weeks, easily 10 times.
Daniel Lapin 5:50
Age is just a number, age is just a number. And it's nearly always been said, by a petulant single woman, in her 20s, late 20s, into her 30s, sometimes into her 40s. But that's almost always who it's being said by. Why don't I hear it from more men? Why don't more men say age is just a number? Well, I have a theory on that. And the theory is that, for men, the passage of time is not nearly as cruel. Virtually every woman has built into her consciousness, the passage of time, every woman of a certain age, within an age range, has a built in clock, she has a monthly cycle that makes her acutely aware of the passage of time. And furthermore, she is also aware that at the end of a certain number of those cycles, she'll be clean out of eggs, that's the end of the reproductive potential, has gone its course. And so I think that men can be much less aware of the passage of time. After all, as time goes by, most men are becoming more attractive on the marriage market in the sense that they're becoming more established, more confident, more financially productive and secure. All of these things add to their feeling of this is going in the right direction. Physically, as well. By and large, although men are certainly aware of the passage of time, they don't, you know, no man in his 40s runs as fast as he did when he was in his 20s. Every man is aware of that as well. But also at the same time, perhaps subconsciously, there is an awareness that in that ultimate fulfillment of reproductive potential, a man is somewhat less limited, there is not an expiration date to the same extent, as there is for a woman, a man in his 70s could father a child, and there would be very unlikely and very unusual for a woman. So I do understand why it is that more women tend to use that phrase, oh, age is just a number but doesn't mean anything at all. Because it's invariably been said, by women who are painfully aware of the passage of time, and painfully aware that they are less valuable on the marriage market than they used to be 10 or 15, or maybe 20 years ago. There's no way of saying that without it sounding cruel. And it is, there is no question about it. But it's also reality. And one can ignore reality for quite a long time. But one can never escape the consequences of reality. And it's always been my preference on the Rabbi Daniel Lapin show, to tell you the truth, rather than to come on, tell me right, massage you with warm butter.
Daniel Lapin 9:35
There is no value in massaging you with warm butter. It feels okay for a while it feels very good for a while, but at the end of it, you have achieved nothing of any value. And we've both wasted our time. And so, the truth is, is more important. I also have to tell you something else that's that I've heard quite a lot recently. And that is debates and arguments over some of these topics, where I've made a point. And somebody has said, and not always a woman, but probably two thirds are women, 1/3 men, and they say that sexist, that's just sexist. I've had people who have also told me a new word. That's a just a, just when I've been speaking about the fact that the majority of men, generally speaking, would like to marry a younger woman rather than an older woman. That's just that's a just sometimes people have said to me, that's offensive. Nobody has said to me yet, as far as I know, that's racist, but they may well do. And my point is, that that's a very lazy way of arguing, sticking an ugly label on something that somebody says, does not automatically constitute an indictment of that statement. That's not what the discussion is about. That's not what the debate is about. It's not really what an exchange of ideas is about. And I know, obviously, that in American culture right now, slapping ugly labels on things that people say instead of confronting them is the routine. I saw this beginning already in 2016. In 2017, Donald Trump is a racist. Right? I heard that many times. And in all honesty, and naivete, my response was always well, you know, I don't know him personally. But tell me give me an example of some of the things that he's done. That are racist. Silence and anger at me. Tell me some of the things that he's said, that are racist. And pretty much silence and anger at me. Well, if you if you're a Trump lover, there's no way of talking to you. That's not a conversation. That's not an exchange of ideas. And so to dismiss something as sexist is meaningless, to dismiss something as Oh, it's a just senseless, to dismiss something as racist, I'm sorry. But that's also sentence, you have to be much more specific than that. Because you can criticize my statements, you can criticize my behavior, but you can't criticize what you think is in my head, because that's hidden from you. And this is true for all of us. So please, don't let people whoever they are family members, co workers, friends, did anybody respond to your expressing your opinion? With a an ugly label slapped on? That's a racist statement? Or that's, that's sexist state? Come on? What's wrong with the statement? Is that false? And is it otherwise and useful? But you have to tell me, otherwise, we don't have a conversation. And I tell you that as a sort of preamble, going in, because we are going to be talking about things that are going to be hard for certain people to hear, who's it going to be hard for? I can't tell I don't know. But they're bound to be people, men and women of all ages, who are going to find this material difficult to hear. And the question you have to ask yourself is whether it is true, and whether it is useful to you. That's what you have to ask yourself, is this information true. And if you decide it is not true, then you must be absolutely certain that you understand the basis on which you are dismissing it as false. Not good enough to say it's just offensive, not good enough to say it's just sexist, you can't do that. You're doing yourself a disservice. But if you want to make sure that your time is not wasted, you've got to ascertain whether what you hear is true or false to the best of your ability. And secondly, whether it contains in a data that you can use in the shaping of your life. Now, there are many people who are gonna say, well, it's too late. It's just I don't need to hear this is just depressing. And I totally understand that there are certainly people who would like to pull blinders over disturbing the information and, and prevent themselves from having to face it and confront it. And I get it. Look at emotionally painful, I totally understand it. But it's also not very mature. And it's also not the most effective way of living. Because yes, there are many things that it's too late for your eye to do. Of course there are. There are certain things that you can only do when you're in high school, there are other things you can only do. When you are single, there are decisions to be made, and you reach a point where you go beyond those decisions, and then it's too late. So for one thing, you can automatically dismiss nostrums like oh, it's never too late. Yeah, it's actually often too late. We got to realize that you can't run your life on slogans and worse yet on false slogans that makes no sense at all. And so, for happy warriors, who can confront difficult information, challenging information, and and can overcome cognitive dissonance, cognitive dissonance is is the term used to describe the very human tendency to block off painful information I get we were all susceptible to it.
Daniel Lapin 16:19
So let us carry on and let us delve into the material. Age is not just a number. Okay. Is age just a number? No, it's not. And when people's Oh, age is just a number. They're deluding themselves. Seriously, age is not just a number at all, if it was, newspaper articles and magazine articles, wouldn't do what they always do, which is provide the name of the person at the age of the person they're talking about. Now, to some extent, to a slight extent, sometimes age is given in order to avoid the possibility of mistaken identity. John Smith, aged 44, recently committed or perpetrated this, this crime. Okay, well, John Smith, who happens to be 72, is not going to worry that anyone will think it's him. So to some extent, that happens, however, stories about people who are unmistakably identifiable people who are strongly associated with an organization, Klaus Schwab of the World Economic Forum, celebrities, Taylor Swift articles about these people also give their names. They x, sorry, you know what I mean? They also provide the ages. So if age was just the number, who cares, right? And that's indeed what some of these young women have been saying. That's a robot. It's not important how old I am. Ages is just a number. No, it's a it's a it's very important. And that's why when your birthday switches from 29 to 30, you feel like really down if you're still single. But wait a sec, I you know, I think being single is just fine. To say that everyone has to be married is sexist. Well, first of all, I'm never saying everyone has to be married, you all make your own decisions. Everybody decides for themselves what they want to do with their lives. My job, of course, is to do absolutely nothing, but provide a a blueprint of reality. It's my job to tell you how the world really works a blueprint of reality. And in the real world, people want to know about ages. And that's why if you read business magazines, right, I read several business magazines, almost every story that involves a person, a person who has bought into a new company, a person who started almost always the age is given, almost always. Because age is really, really central to our identity.
Daniel Lapin 19:18
Oh, age is just a number. That's the silliest thing I've ever heard. But I'm not just putting an ugly label on the statement. I'm telling you why. saying Oh, age is just a number is a silly and meaningless. So they do it all the time. Right. Klaus Schwab who's the founder and head of the World Economic Forum that meets in Davos, Switzerland every year. He's 84. And articles that speak about him almost always mentioned his age. Sophia Loren, the great Italian actress. Nobody's gonna confuse it with any other Sophia Loren, when they tell you that she's aviators because we want to know We are interested in the age of other people, not necessarily to the year or to the date. But approximately we like to know. Elon Musk, right, extraordinary businessman, very interesting person, and predictable on many levels. But look what he's achieved, then you want to know how old he is 51 I think, as at least at the time of preparing this show for you. Taylor Swift, right? The the singer, the entertainer, she's 33. Now, if you never knew that, if you knew a lot about it, but you never knew her age, which I think is unlikely, because anyone who's interested in her probably knows her age already. But it's relevant. It's not just the number, it really is important. It's, it's part of an identity. And so somebody who has achieved a certain, you know, let's say, this woman, you know, she's, she's, she's married, and she's raising three terrific kids, there's a big difference between whether she's in her 20s, or whether she's in her late 40s. This, it's a different story entirely. Somebody has started a company that has taken off in his and he's very successful, you know, if he's 27, that's different from if he's 57. It makes a difference if you think about it. So age is not just a number. And if you feel I haven't yet, made the case that age is not just a number.
Daniel Lapin 21:49
Let me go a little bit further into the heart of why age is not just a number. Look, we are made up, as you heard me say before, if you're a regular visitor to the show, if not, then for the first time, we human beings are made up of both physical and spiritual, we have physical needs, like food and water, and oxygen, we also have spiritual needs. The esteem of other people. family connection, sexual connection. And you might say, well, that's physical. No, it's actually also spiritual. It's partially physical. But it's also very spiritual. I mean, for a variety of reasons. I remember people asking me a while back, you know whether I think that these sex robots are going to become popular for lonely men. After all, you've got an imbalance of males, in several Asian countries, that in one way or another practice the one child rule. And one of the things that unfortunately, was discovered during that period, not just in, in Asian countries, but even in West Los Angeles. And that is that when couples confine themselves to one child, female fetuses get aborted very often. Because the majority of men if they're only going to have one child wanted to be a boy. And a small majority of women go with that as well. So this there is an imbalance of men. So people said to me, don't you think when when I spoke about the problems, people said, well, don't you think that the emergence of sex dolls, robotic sex dolls, will solve the problem for men? And the answer is no. Because what whilst I agree that a robotic sex doll can provide frictional pleasure, there's one thing it cannot do, and that is receive pleasure. And that's the spiritual part of physical intimacy that a man desperately needs. Because we men were created as givers. And women were created more as receivers. And this is evidence, even at the very moment of peak masculinity and femininity, at the moment of the climax of physical intimacy. It is the man giving and the woman receiving, and I, I hope that my discretion didn't go beyond the point of comprehension there. So Yes, that that is the need of a man to give, even in intimate relationships, to bring joy and ecstasy to his wife. It's hugely important, but it's entirely a spiritual need. There's no physical need for that. Norman Mailer arrived, a popular in the second half of the 20th century, once wrote very movingly about the SEC dummies. And he was poignant. He said, the doctors assured me the vasectomy would have no impact at all, on the physical sensation of physical intimacy, everything would be exactly the same. And I would just have the convenience of never having to worry about contraception again, and he said, I was misled. It's not true. It changed everything. And I've heard that from men who've undergone vasectomy, who've told me directly, that somehow the complete elimination of any possibility of conception, even if it's going to be combated in other ways, but the removal of that potential contact with the infinite has totally changed the sensation. Not everybody, but many men are spoken to easily a majority of men who, with whom I've discussed it, regret having a head of a sec to me. And the evidence is that while you would have thought that would be a very popular operation actually isn't not happening nearly as much as you would have thought. If it really was that convenient. It's not, it's hugely problematic, because it deals with sex as if it is exclusively a physical phenomenon, excluding the possibility that it is also spiritual. And so in that sense, we're both physical and spiritual. My physical need for maintaining the core temperature of my body can be satisfied by very basic and ordinary food presented in any old way. And by wearing utilitarian clothing, like the overalls I wear, when I am joyfully engaged in working in the engine room of a boat, great zip up overalls, nothing wrong with them. But it doesn't satisfy my spiritual needs. Oh, it does when I'm working with tools. But the rest of the time, I have a preference for a different kind of clothing. And I have a preference for different kinds of food. But those preferences, they're only spiritual, they do nothing at all for my body.
Daniel Lapin 27:53
So we are both physical and spiritual. And being both physical and spiritual means that we have to realize one of the very important differences between physical and spiritual. One of the differences is that spiritual is eternal that lasts forever. Arab terrorists can take down the World Trade Center in New York, on September the ninth 2001, September the 11th, I'm sorry, 2001. And they've destroyed the physicality of those buildings. But those buildings still exist. They exist in paintings and photographs. They exist in the blueprints that are still found in the offices of the architects who design the engineers who designed the building buildings. The spiritual quality of the buildings will never vanish. They're always around. The buildings themselves are the physical that you can terminate. And so physical things will deteriorate and get less and less of their essence, they will will eventually they go. You know, I can pluck a beautiful rose from the garden outside. And it's beautiful. But I do know that it's in the process of dying as beautiful today and as beautiful tomorrow. By the next day. It's not quite as beautiful and as fresh looking as it was when I plugged it. physical things go down. But if I read a poem about a rose with dewdrops of the dawn on its store, and I look I can relate to the spirituality of a rose that doesn't deteriorate, that never goes away. And so the body is physical. Eventually. The body comes to an end. The Spirit doesn't. But there are changes along The Way and those changes are inescapable. They are real. And it is. It's trying to perpetuate our lessons to pretend they're not happening. And so those changes are for women. hitting puberty, achieving sexual maturity, achieving eventually peak health and fertility. And time goes by, and eventually, there's the end of childbearing potential, and diminishing physical attractiveness. Those are stages in life, and they are real. Age is just a number. No, no, it isn't. It tells me were about in each of these stages I am aware about the person with whom I'm talking is for men also. Childhood puberty, sexual maturity, peak productivity, peak productivity, maximum potential, strength and achievement. Diminishing strength, diminishing attractiveness, weakness, these are phases in the life of a person have to recognize them. And why do people say, Oh, age is just a number? Well, I've already explained because if their general feeling is that time is going by and they've not done or been doing or are doing the things that are appropriate for that age, then they have to say age is just a number. And they do not want to be reminded of the fact that age is real. And that time is passing by. And so I'm going to explain exactly what this means.
Daniel Lapin 32:04
But first of all, let me talk for a moment about how this show is sponsored. Because happy warriors do not like charity, happy warriors, like paying their way with pride and confidence and conviction. And many of you want to know, how do you go about supporting How do you become part of this, and every now and then I like reminding you, because many of you really, really want to know, and the answer is become a member of our happy warrior community. That's right, all you have to do is go to the website, RabbiDanielLapin.com. You can also go directly to the website, wehappywarriors.com, wehappywarriors.com or RabbiDanielLapin.com. And, and that way, you can become part of the Happy Warriors community, you then support this podcast, and you can really become a basic, inexpensive member of the happy warriors community and, and that means you get an opportunity to interact with other happy warriors and, and, and really feel the benefits of being part of a community which is quite wonderful. You also get complete access to thought tools, which is an applied -- it's a short - you can either read it or listen to it. In audio. It's usually about a three or four or five minute read of a principle of ancient Jewish wisdom applied to improving your family, your friends, your friendships, your finances, your fitness or your faith, practical application of the underlying principles of the five F. So on the website, you got access to all of that. You get access to Susan's musings. And those of you who get it, enjoy it, I hear from many of you again, it's it's wonderful. It's an enormous exciting day to day privilege to live with Mrs. Susan Lapin. And she comes up with really interesting things every week in Susan's musings. So you've got that. And then you've got our Ask the rabbi where we select a question from the many questions that come to us. And we answer it again, you can read it or listen to it. And if you're a member, a basic member, that's all you have to be of the happy warrior community. You got access to that you can also join the conversation on these topics and communicate with other happy warriors and So let us know that you're with us that you support us that you are also a happy warrior, that you are willing to put your $5 or whatever it is on the line. And to stand together with all of us here in the happy warriors community. So become a basic member. And you do that at RabbiDanielLapin.com. Or you can go to the weappywarriors.com website and do it right there, you join us. And that way we build our community, it grows. And each and every one of us is better off by being part of a community of like minded people who try to do exactly what you're trying to do as well.
Daniel Lapin 35:50
Okay, so that's, that's the background on how the show operates, and how we are sponsored and how we come into existence. And, and now, I'll take you into a little bit of ancient Jewish wisdom. So about 2000 years ago, around about the time that that Jesus walked in Israel, the the Mishnah, the scholars, who had been trying to preserve the oral transmission of the Torah, decided that although it was against the rules, the urgency of the circumstances require that they write down a lot of the material. And they wrote it down in a, a encoded format, known as the Mishnah. And the Mishnah, is made up of six sections. The first two sections concern the physical world, and they are broken down into space and time. The second two sections concern human relationships, sexual and financial. That's right. Those are the two basic kinds of human relationships. Now friends, is different because friends are not contractual, or covenantal relationships. But relationships that are business based, are contractual, and relationships that are family based or contractual. That's what marriage is, it's a contract or a covenant. And so, and the last two have to do with the spiritual world. So it's the physical world, the spiritual world, and human relationships. That's the sequence that's the way in which the Mishnah was structured. One of the subsections is called Pure Chaos, what it's completely incorrectly often translated as Ethics of the Fathers. That's nonsense, doesn't mean that at all, it's not what it's called. But whatever it's called for the moment isn't important. But what is important is Chapter Four Mishnah 21. And I'm going to read it to you in English translation. And it's not a great translation, but it's adequate for the purposes of today's discussion. Here it is Pierre Cavite, Chapter Four Mishnah 21. At five years old, a person should start studying the Bible. At 10 years old, the person should start studying the Mishnah, the oral tradition, and at 13, the person should accept upon himself or herself, the obligations of the commandments of the Torah, of how we ought to live.
Daniel Lapin 38:45
At 15, the person should intensify their study at 18, they should get married at 20, they should throw themselves into building up their life's work, meaning that finding their field, how they are going to serve, their other gods are the children. At 30, they achieved mastery at 44, deep understanding of how the world really works, at 50, to be an advisor at 60, to be an elder and so on and so forth. The numbers aren't so important. What's important is this teaching that there is a progression through life. And for a man to suddenly start worrying about what he's going to do to make a living when he's 47. is a disaster. It's an absolute catastrophe. For a woman to say to herself, I really would like to be a mother and to have a family and to make that realization when she is 39 is really, really sad. Age is not just a number And so what that missionary is telling us is there are appropriate ages to be doing certain things as you make your way through the journey of life, life works best. If you realize that age is not just a number. Back in 1965, there was a song that actually made it to the top of the Billboard 100. It was called Turn, Turn, Turn. And it was a song by an American group called The Byrds. I think that was spelled b y, r d. S, the birds, they good, long gone. But it always struck me because I don't think there are any verses of scripture that ever got heard by more people than the birds who took the words of Ecclesiastes, written by King Solomon. And they took chapter three, let me read it to you again, in an English translation, that's okay, but not great: TO EVERYTHING there is a season and a time to every purpose under the heaven, a time to be born a time to die, a time to plant and the time to pick that which is planted, a time to kill, and a time to heal. It's time to break down and a time to build up a time to weep and a time to laugh, a time to mourn, and a time to dance. Time to cast away stones and a time to gather stones together. A time to embrace and a time to refrain from embracing, there's time to acquire, and a time to lose the time to keep and retain. And the time to cost away. A time to tear and a time to sow a time to remain silent. And a time to speak out. The time to love and a time to hate the time for war and a time for peace. See, sadly, age is not just a number. There are appropriate stages for each and everything.
Daniel Lapin 42:19
And again, to stress not that any of these ages, we're talking about our time absolutes. That's not the case, just that there are good ages, for certain things to occur. Yes, they can occur at other times. And for many of us the way life has worked out, they have occurred at other times, absolutely. But it's still worth knowing what the ideal is. And this is true right? In engineering. A a city or a country might come to an engineer and say, build us a bridge. And in fact, in 1890, across the Firth of Forth near Edinburgh in Scotland, to I think there was Scottish, but I'm not sure to British engineers built the great Fourth bridge. And it was a remarkable thing. It was a huge cantilever bridge. And you got to remember that in 1890. There were no electrical tools. There was no such thing yet. And what's even worse is that just about 10 years earlier, there had been a dreadful Scottish bridge disaster. The Tabor bridge failed also a steel bridge and plunged a fully loaded train into the freezing waters of the river day. Everybody drowned. It was an absolute calamity. And you would have thought that Scotland would have just had enough with steel bridge building. And yet 10 years later, they build this phenomenal girder bridge. The engineer who was the foreman of construction, was a Japanese engineer into it's just funny how these things work. He was a young man who went to Scotland in those days, Scotland was the the the seat of engineering, so much so that all the way up through the Second World War and beyond. The engineer on a ship was almost always called Scotty just because most likely he was Scottish. The engine and I have so much interest in this particular phenomenon. That I mean, you think of many of the engineers who brought the industrial revolution in the middle of the 18th century to pass in the United Kingdom, Scottish engineers again, it's extraordinary. That's why it is is a topic for another discussion, but I'm why I tell you this is because building a bridge is not simple. There is for any particular bridge location, there is the ideal. And then there's what you got to fall back on. Because circumstances don't allow the ideal. So the second best becomes the best by default, as it were. And it's like that as well that even though, for various reasons, for many of us, a lot of these things I'm talking about, are no longer actually applicable. So why do I talk about them? Not to make you miserable, not to fill you with regret or to fool myself to regret? No. Because when you understand the fundamental engineering principles, even if you cannot apply them exactly to your own life, you at least then are in the best position to reengineer and make changes to your life. You follow it and say it's really important. So I'm telling you, how shall we say how marriage ought to ideally work? Well, too late for me too late for you? Know, not really, because if you understand the principles, it is possible to make course adjustments that you could never make if you didn't understand the fundamental principles. And so, yes, there is the right age for everything. Or shall we say, perhaps the right phase of life for everything? Sure, of course, does it mean that all of us have played it right? Not all of us have? No doesn't mean that at all. But if you understand these principles, you're better off than if you don't. So what should the second, the second pass? The second part of the name of the podcast is make the most of your 20s? Alright, is age just a number? No, it isn't. Now make the most of your 20s? What happens if you're 30? Or 40? Or 50? Or 60? Now, how do you make the most of your 20s? Well, first of all, again, understanding the principles helps you realize the reality of where you are, and why you then come to terms with it. And perhaps to even be able to introduce certain changes either in yourself or your environment, that allows you to improve your life, to improve your relationships with your five F's, that's all this is about. That's how you improve your life. So let's talk about what you should be doing in your 20s. And if you're not in your 20s, well make a note of this. So when you reach your 20s, you'll know what to do. And if you're beyond your 20s, well pause the show, bring in a 20 year old or a 19 year old or an 18 year old and tell them they're going to hear something which is going to bother them, it's going to disturb them, it's going to anger them, but that there is nonetheless value in it. So I can't tell all of you what the best thing to be doing in your 20s is because there are two categories of people, male and female. Now, a lot of people will be triggered by that information. When I said there are two categories of people, but there are and for men and for women, what you should be doing in your 20s is not at all the same. Let's, let's see what you should be doing for men.
Daniel Lapin 48:43
And by the way, this really is advice for from 18 to 28, rather than from 20 to 30. 18 to 28 are these key years we're talking about. So the first thing you should be focused on is finding your field. Now, it's interesting that the word field is again a derivation of a biblical usage. Because the field is where you work. And it's what produces your food, doesn't it? So if my field is construction, I go to work and build things. And that's how I get to eat. If I'm a farmer, I go literally into my field. And when we speak to people, what field are you in, and we're using that biblical usage. That's where it comes from. So you have as a as a male, you're a boy or a man of 18 time to focus very seriously already on what your field will be. And I want to make sure you understand that you should be wasting no time whatsoever on anything that is outside the five F's sports Due to a limited extension, in order to build your bodily strength absolutely do not waste time on college studies that are irrelevant to being useful useful to other people do not waste any time studying something that will not result in a commercially viable and valuable credential. Do not study anything, which is of use only in an academic setting. I am sure that medieval Byzantine frescoes are very interesting. never studied them myself, but I can well believe that people will find them interesting. That's not what you as a man should be doing between the ages of 18 and 28. Because even if you become an authority on medieval Byzantine frescoes, your best hope is to get a teaching job somewhere. Well, isn't teaching a good job? Well, it depends. If you use it as a bridge to more well, then yes, I've got a friend who started off as a teacher. And when I asked him why he said, because I get so much spare time, I'm gonna have ample time to start my own business. And he did, he taught for 10 years. And during that time, he was able to put to put a put away quite a nice sum of money to use the startup capital. 10 years later, he quit teaching, and he went full time into the business, that he'd already started part time. And today, he is extremely comfortable, he's very well off quite wealthy. So yeah, in that sense, but that should be the end goal of an 18 year old man. Don't even dream of that. And by the way, let me make clear also, college is not at all essential. Unless you're going for something in the professions of medicine, or dentistry or legal or accounting or engineering, you go into those areas, fine, you're going to have to go to medical school, or law school, engineering, school, whatever it is, you're going to need to do that. But it's not essential at all. Because you could just as well go to work in a trade, you're 18 years old, you're done with school, get out of school, it's enough already, and go and work in a trade, while being committed to growth. And being committed to excellence. You take up a trade, and you make sure that you do not just see it as another day's work. But each day is an opportunity to excel and to grow. Within four years, you'll be starting up your own company, something, I'm not worried about it. It happens all the time among people I know. Be aware of that. It's rather than wasting four years at a community college or any college for that matter where you don't know what you're doing. And you're going to be taking comparative art and you're going to be taking, God forbid gender studies, or the ignoring of race in middle period English. Do me a favor, do not dare waste your valuable years. That's exactly what Ecclesiastes is talking about exactly what the missionary is talking about. We're talking about the years 18 to 28. You got to make sure that you make progress in finance and family. We'll talk about that. So whatever it is, get to work. acquire skills and experience and reputation. Get your reputation as somebody who delivers more than he promises, wonderful, you're on your own, you will find yourself in an excellent position. So around the same time that your friend is graduating from his four years of college with an utterly useless degree in a field that nobody will hire him. And he's just becoming aware of this gigantic scam that is being perpetrated on young people in the United States of America, borrow money, borrow money, borrow money and get your university or your car. Everybody should go to college said Michelle Obama. Yes, that's right.
Daniel Lapin 54:19
So you graduate after four years with a useless degree that will not get you a job will not open any doors for you and leaves you saddled with 1000s of dollars of debt. Really round about the time that your friend is becoming aware of what a horrible mistake he or she has made. You will be four years into your work and you will already have broken through into something limitless in potential and something very, very exciting. At the same time, this is all going on. make absolutely clear to everyone in your circle all the orbits that you inhabit, whether that's at church or whether it's at in social events, or whether it's family events or it's work related events, make sure that everybody knows that you are interested only in courting, not dating. The difference. Courting is not recreational dating is recreational courting is purpose oriented. And you let people know that you are seeking to marry and you are looking to meet a girl who shares your interest in marrying and embarking on one of life's greatest of all adventures, building a family, you let people know that early. You yourself, you should be seeking ideally, and this obviously is I understand, it's gonna make some people especially, especially girl listeners, who have made mistakes as they've moved through their 20s. But I'm speaking to the happy warrior to be I'm speaking to the 18, 19, 20 year old man who wants to do things, right. Ideally, the best possible way, seek a girl who is a virgin. And because it usually corresponds, you're also seeking a girl who is religious and actively involved with her church. It's not easy, but they are there. And that girl, your future wife, she's wondering where on earth she's going to find a man just like you. And the good Lord has a way of bringing you together, when your hearts are pure, and focused on that joint shared adventure that only a man and a woman can do together. So I've in previous shows, I've spoken a little bit about why all of these things are advisable for a man. Are you necessarily going to find that playing out exactly like that? Maybe not. But as long as you know what the ideal is, then you can work with reality. So please, you're an 18, 19, 20 year old guy, use this period. Use this period to build your finances and your family. Start on the family part only after you've already made some progress on the finances. Once you're on a path. Once you if you're if you're learning the plumbing trade, wait until you're three or four years into that. And you already have a clear idea of ways in which you can grow your future in that whatever it is, if you've decided to become a an accountant or a bookkeeper, so spend your four years mastering that and getting on the track. And only then start finding yourself a wife.
Daniel Lapin 58:35
The reason is because she, for her part, wants to know that you are on a healthy financial track. And she's exactly right to want to know that. Please banish from your heart. Any notions of something that I've heard immature boys say, oh, I want her to love me for me, not for my bank. And don't be ridiculous. We're talking about real life and age matters. And at a certain age, when it is time to start thinking about finding a wife with whom to build a life, it is important that you are already on a financial track speaking to the guys. Obviously, at the same time you're cultivating your fitness, you're cultivating your friendships, and you're trying to find like minded men to associate with, even if they're not of the same age group as you and yes, connect with faith. And you probably will need help and guidance on the faith. That one doesn't come automatically by itself. You can be alone in in your house in your room, and you can work on your fitness. You know what exercises to do. Whether you're doing weights or whatever you're doing, you can do all that, but very few people have an intuitive sense inspire themselves of how to build a relationship with faith. And so for that help and guidance is always very, very useful. Girls, how should you use those years 18 to 28? What is your best? Your best sequence of events? What should you do? Nurture your feminine side, that's what you have to do.
Daniel Lapin 1:00:26
Because to a real man, nothing is more attractive than femininity. He doesn't need another clone of himself. Do not try and become the man you are yourself attracted to. You got it all wrong. Don't do that. Do not try and acquire the masculine characteristics that you would like to see in your man. That's not who you should be. Encouraged yourself, nurture in within yourself, the qualities of kindness and empathy, and learning how to be agreeable. Yes, these are feminine traits. There are things that your entire being yearns to be anyways. Because they are aspects of being feminine, that are real, they are part of you. They're immutable. Not everything in human nature can be changed. And we are men or we are women. And as men, we do best in a masculine mode. And as women, we do best in a feminine mode, we have to know what masculine mode is, you have to know what feminine mode is, obviously, try and hang out with girls who are perhaps a bit older than you, girls who have already embarked well wisely and satisfactorily on the path of marriage and family, girls like that can be positive in every way for you to associate with and to spend time with. Let your circles know that you are interested in meeting a man who is ready for that great adventure of life, starting to build a family let me say something else, retain your virtue, retain your virtue, and avoid spending alone time with unworthy boys. Not worth doing damaging to your reputation. So guard your heart. Don't let yourself get emotionally involved with wrong guys, and guard your reputation. Don't get involved with unworthy guys. It's just not worth it. become knowledgeable and experienced at home making skills. Those are the things that will endear you to your future husband. Find and become good at work that you can do even after you are married. And even after you have children work that won't overtake your whole life. But work that will adjust to the important parts of your life. Work that will not become an end in itself. But work that will facilitate the ends in themselves facilitate the more important parts of life, find and become good at work that will fit into a schedule of being a wife and a mother. And so objecting to things that I've said on the basis that they're sexist or racist or by the way old fashioned. Here's another thing people sometimes say to me. You know what, this is 20 Whatever it is, we're no longer in the 1950s you know? And the answer is you will be astonished. How similar human nature of the 2020s is to human nature of the 1950s you can fool yourself only so long. You can try and mislead your body into being something that it isn't only so long. But in the final analysis, there are things that 99.7% of men want and there are things that 99.7% of women want and if you're a guy, you need to spend those 10 years from 18 to 28, becoming all the things that a woman needs in a man, because that will lead to the ultimate fulfillment for you. And for a woman these years from 18 upwards, and opportunity to make of yourself everything that is desirable and attractive, and venerated and respected and loved by a man. Because that way leads to ultimate true fulfillment for you.
Daniel Lapin 1:05:40
I referred earlier to seven verses from Ecclesiastes. And I'm going to recommend that you take your Bible, and if you don't yet have a Rabbi Daniel Lapin Recommended Bible. Well, that's a shame. Use any Bible then better than nothing. But if you have a Rabbi Daniel Lapin Bible, go to the book of Ecclesiastes, and you'll see that in Hebrews called Kehillat. And I know you don't read Hebrew, that's fine. It's actually transliterated in the Hebrew in my Recommended Bible, which you'll find on the website at RabbiDanielLapin.com. And I want you to take a look at those seven verses, because they contain 28 different events. You know, like I said, before, time to love time to hate a time to pile up stones and build and a time to break down. There are 28 of those different events. And each one of them, were told there is a time for them. Now, some of those events are under our individual control. Others are not. For instance, there's a time to love and a time to hate Yeah, I can decide whether I'm going to love or hate the time to be happy and a time to mourn. Yeah, I can I can decide those things. Absolutely. There's a time for peace and a time for war. I have zero control over whether the country in which I live is at peace or at war, no control at all. So what is Solomon telling us? Yeah, and the answer lies in the ninth verse, excuse me in Ecclesiastes, much later, chapter seven, verse six, I think it is no it's not. It's chapter seven, verse eight. And there it says, better is the end of a thing, then it's beginning. And the idea is, don't try and judge the beginning of something until you've studied the end. And the verses can be understood in this way as well. Here's what Solomon is telling us. The wisest man, the great King Solomon, does he have anything to tell bright young people in the 21st century? Oh, yes, indeed, you wouldn't imagine, here's what he's telling us all. And that is that there are some things in life that are very much in our control. But not everything in life is there are some things that are not under our control.
Daniel Lapin 1:08:24
The trick is knowing which is which. Now, right now, in the United States, and perhaps elsewhere, too, there is a an epidemic that is running rampant through society, the epidemic is that we're all victims, things are being done to us. It's external forces, it's because of sexism. It's because of racism, it's because of white privilege. It's because of whatever it is all of the things in my life that are going wrong. And because of these external factors, that is a serious epidemic of distraction. It really wastes your life. The trick is realizing that many, many, many parts of your life are under your control. You can get up every morning, and you can find a job and you can go to a job. And you can do that job with a smile on your face, not with a resentful selling expression. And if you do that job well seeking excellence trying to deliver more than is expected of you, you're going to find something quite wonderful. And that is you're going to be doing that job for very long, you're going to be doing something else much more exciting and much more rewarding, and much more remunerative. All of these things are in your power. You have the choice of being happy or being miserable. But at the same time, it's important to also realize the things that we are not going to be able to make any difference to climate change. Climate change, do you know got that on one of the dating sites, they produce some statistics on what people care about most. And it's climate change. And there are a certain number of women particularly, who refuse to go out with somebody who on his profile doesn't say that he considers climate change to be the most serious thing. So here you got an example of the other extreme. The first thing I spoke about was where we are so sure that external malign forces sculpt our lives, and we're powerless to do anything to shape our lives ourselves. Wrong, false destructive, why waste your life on that nonsense? There's so much you can do is in your power. Okay, fine. Well, I'm going to change climate, I'm going to stop the use of fossil fuels. Now you're wasting your time trying to do things that you'll never be able to do. It's very simple. Because where you live, the total production of carbon dioxide is probably about 10% of the entire world's production. When you come up with a way to stop fossil fuel use, and I don't think of fossil fuel, I think of God given fuel. And I don't believe that climate change, manmade climate change is a big threat. I just don't believe that. Well, all the scientists say that. I've covered that in other podcasts I've spoken about why there's no reason to regard scientists as more committed to the truth than politicians or anybody else. And they all have their biases, they all have the emotional commitments, and they all seek the same prominence and prestige and power, and government grant money. And all of that is shaped around certain popular ideas that constitute a virus in society today. But fancy that fancy limiting your romantic opportunities, because there's something that you can do absolutely nothing about. And so Solomon in the third chapter, or beginning of the third chapter of Ecclesiastes, if you read through, you will be doing something for your faith. And at the same time, you'll be doing something for all the other F's in your life as well the other four, because it'll help you learn to distinguish between things that you can impact and that you should assume responsibility for. While on the other hand, there are things you ought not to waste time on. You're not to expand your life in futility, on things that are never going to come about to do anything.
Daniel Lapin 1:12:39
So that is an important thing. And if, if there's any stage at which it makes sense to end this particular discussion, this episode of The rabbi Daniel Lapin show, it's that absorbed into your very being the things you can do something about in your life, and do them and stop wasting time in a futile pursuit of things you can do absolutely nothing about. That's what Solomon teachers and that is what I want to leave with you happy warriors, because implementing that in your lives will do so much by way of improving your faith, your family, your friendships, your fitness, and your finances. Until the next time we're together. I'm Rabbi Daniel Lapin. God bless.
