TRANSCRIPT
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The Rabbi Daniel Lapin Podcast
Episode: Earthquakes Cause Destruction So Does Promiscuity
Date: 02/10/23 Length: 1:13:47
Daniel Lapin 0:00
Welcome, happy warriors. I want to welcome each and every happy warrior to the Rabbi Daniel Lapin show where I your rabbi reveal how the world really works. This show is not for sycophants, cynics and skeptics No, this is a show for the happy warrior. And only a happy warrior, who is spiritually grounded in all that is life-affirming cocooned in courage, who whose commitment easily conquers the complacent, and whose tenacity triumphs over the crooks, creeps, clowns and cracks. without even understanding the damage they do, promote an infinitely satanic abyss. This is the show for you, Happy warriors, all of us. And it's not a show that is news driven. I know that you will find out as much as you need to know when you need to know it, about the activities of your fellow human beings. And so I do not have to get onto the show and breathlessly proclaim the latest development or the latest happening No, not at all. This is a show about the things you really care about the things that matter to you, your finances, your friendships, your family, your faith, and your fitness. It's a show about those five F's and how to use the permanent principles found in ancient Jewish wisdom to improve, enhance, augment and increase the powers of your five eths. Moreover, this show that I bring you, your rabbi me, the show I bring you is about the interconnectivity of life.
Daniel Lapin 2:24
And how your five F's are all interdependent on one another? And how to No, no understand and employ these counterintuitive, but absolutely indispensable facts in your life as a happy warrior, working against the forces resisting your progress. Now, understand that the F of friendship is not just your childhood friend, whom you still talk to weekly, or the person you hang out with after work, or the person with whom you go to a mommy and me class for your infant. No, the F of friendship covers all relationships that are not family. And that includes sexual and not financial. That's right. For the five F renewal protocols, we do not call family members friends, they are parents. They are children. They are siblings. They are uncles, they are aunts, cousins and so on. You might be very friendly with them. I hope you are but they're not friends. They are family. And please understand this. We do not call the person we are sleeping with a friend either he or she is not a boyfriend, or a girlfriend. No. Or a significant other or anything else. He or she is a spouse, even if you have not formally married even if you don't really intend to marry please understand this clearly. Play it again. If you wish, you know you can do that on podcasts. Yeah, that's great. Temporary intimate relationships are damaging to your life. I said very clearly that the person you are sleeping with is your spouse. Say what Rabbi Daniel Lapin really What are you talking about? We're not getting married. We're living together. That's what we're not getting married. Look, I know that this is hard to understand. It's even hard to hear. Because I'm saying something that completely contradicts everything that one hears in the general culture that surrounds us. But when you completely understand this next point that I am proclaiming, when you can totally wrap your soul around it comfortably. I want to tell you many mysteries that you have pondered over the years about various relationships, both yours and other people, these will all become crystal clear to you. Very clear. So here it is, here this understand this, think about it, don't reject it right away, just because I'm a rabbi, or just because I speak funny, or whatever it is just trying to hear it. I've told you already, that it'll cause cognitive dissonance, it'll cause you intellectual and emotional pain to hear this, but just hear it anyway. And you don't have to just believe me, what I want you to do is take it into your intellectual arsenal, and use it as you weigh up relationships of people you know, and meet. And little by little, you will come to see that this is a shocking truth, something you never even suspected until now. So here it is. When you completely understand this, it's gonna resolve many mysteries for you. You got it. Here we go. When you sleep with someone, you have married them whether or not there has been a ring. Whether or not a church or a synagogue ceremony took place. Whether or not there was a marriage license, and whether or not there was a magistrate. When you sleep with somebody, you are forming a far deeper bond, then contemporary culture leads you to believe.
Daniel Lapin 7:28
Since the 1960s, we have been indoctrinated to believe that sex is nothing but a sneeze in the spinal column. That's all it is pleasant sneeze, that's all there is. And it's something that men and women can do. It's a lot like shaking hands, except it's more fun and more pleasurable. But there's no significance to it. And I'm sure that you already know that that isn't true. Because people began discovering the flaws in that lie quite a while ago, already a couple of decades, at least. Look, if I meet somebody at a synagogue or a church social event, and I didn't call them for five or six weeks, if I meet somebody through a business function, or I meet somebody at a hobby or professional interest group, or I was traveling, and I ended up talking to somebody on a plane or at breakfast at a hotel somewhere, all of these are fine. If you meet people and you don't call them it's fine. But when you sleep with somebody, you do expect something of an early follow-up. And if you're a girl, not getting that is so terribly painful, that it often persuades young girls to start hating men in general, and even deciding that they only like girls. This is a social sickness that's emerged from the cultural epidemic of short-term intimate relationships. intimate relationships that are short-term hurts girls, hardens them, and makes them far less capable of subsequent deep and meaningful relationships, and above all, makes a future marriage far less likely to survive and to endure. There's no question about it. This harms girls, it hurts them. And then as they build up a tough veneer to protect themselves from this hurt it distorts their natural femininity and transforms them into something else entirely.
Daniel Lapin 10:08
What is short-term intimate relationships do to guys? look deep down. Most men know that engaging in a short-term intimate relationship with a woman, they know that they're hurting and exploiting the woman. They do know that. But even if they don't, everybody realizes that the more times you do something, the easier it becomes, as you repeat it. This is true for good and for bad. So if you resist a sugary drink, you'd let's say you're trying to lose weight and you resist a drink or you resist a rich dessert. The next time you try and resist it, it'll be easier. And the time after that you try and resist, it will be still easier. And eventually, it won't take long before, it's not even hard to turn these things down. And similarly in the other direction. If, if you're on a diet, and then one day you break it, and you gobble up some chocolate creamy clears, the next time, it becomes easier to break the diet as well. Until eventually you give up the diet, because you've demoralized yourself. This is something that is really important to understand about ourselves about the kind of people that we really are, we got to be able to understand that principle. So this is a really important point to understand about how we human beings were created. And that is that when doing something that we know is wrong. We make it a little easier to do a second time, and then it becomes sleazier a third time, and then after the fourth time, it becomes a part of our personality. What do I mean by that? Well, look, let's talk again about a man exploiting a woman. Now when I say exploiting, it's because she is anticipating a relationship and a connection. He intends enjoying his time with her. And then moving on, possibly not even calling again, anything he does just to offer excuses. This happens in today's culture in the United States of America. And it happens a lot. And a lot of the cultural and social damage that you see around us, is as a result of large number of very large numbers of men practicing their sexual relationships in this fashion for decades already. So you got to know that the way that we are created is that when we do this, when we hurt and exploit a woman, you got to know that the more times you do it, the easier it becomes. And as you repeat it, you justify it. And so you become a more cruel and callous personality. And then finally, it begins to incrementally erode your entire moral compass. But wait Rabbi Lapin, she knows that this is not a meaningful connection. She told me she understands this. This is just a casual thing. It suits us both. It's friends with benefits. Look, just because somebody says something doesn't mean that's how it is. Am I saying that she's lying? No, not not consciously. But there is such a thing as saying something under duress. So for instance, if somebody confesses to a crime, and the policeman had a gun pointed at his head, asking him to confess the confession won't standard shouldn't stand in any justice system. Because it was obtained under duress. You follow what I'm saying? Let's imagine that you were rescued by, you know, let's say you had an accident, and a red cross ambulance came by and emergency medical technicians jumped out, and they literally saved your life had nobody to attended to you within the next 20 minutes, you are dead. And this team stopped. They saw you in trouble, they fixed you up. Now the very next day, somebody from the office calls you up and asks if you would like to give a donation to that organization? The answer is yes. Right. Who would hesitate? I remember a hospital in Los Angeles, approaching me for a donation a week after my mother was discharged, having been wonderfully effectively taken care of with an oral surgery that she had. And you know, and she she came out? And of course I I responded affirmatively. Absolutely. And that's what you would do as well.
Daniel Lapin 16:10
There is such a thing as duress. Now, I'm not going to say I didn't want to give the donation I did. But it was emotional duress, it wasn't an accurate measure of my enthusiasm for giving charity. Had that organization approached you a week before? Or had they not had that interaction saving your life, then whether you gave or not, would be a fair indication of how you feel about it. But after your life has just been saved, you're under emotional duress. Well, in spite of what most women will say, the majority of women are under emotional duress in a situation like this, because they want to have a long-term relationship. That is true for the majority of women. It's not true for the majority of boys. Women talk to me all the time. And one of the questions I frequently ask is, how long have you been dating him?
Daniel Lapin 17:24
And the answers that I get really disappointed me so profoundly, two years, five years eve, somebody I know, had been dating somebody for seven years. And why because the it wasn't because they were happy in that situation. The guy was, but these girls weren't. They were desperately hoping for it to become a marriage. They always use euphemisms, you know, I thought it'd become something more well, what's more than dating? I thought it might become long-term, I might, I thought it might become something real. Just say what you mean. You were hoping that he'd asked you to marry him. And after you'd been seeing him for a year, you thought, well, you know, a year is a little bit too soon, I can't insist on anything. And then another year goes by Well, at that point, you've got so much invested, you can't even comprehend the possibility of ending things yourself. And so it goes the best years of your female lives going in the situation? Because you are dating, not courting. Instead of saying at the very outset, look, I'd love to get out with you. But I have to explain to you that I am purpose driven. And I don't date recreationally. I date purposefully. And so if you are not interested in getting married, then you're not for me, and I'm not for you. If you are, then the purpose of dating is to see whether you and I have the possibilities of a marriage within our collaboration. And after we've seen each other for a week or two or three, the question then is so far, is there an obstacle? Not can we get married? No. Is there an obstacle? And if there is an obstacle and obstacles fall into categories, insurmountable, insurmountable, obstacles that actually shatter all possibility, and other obstacles that have to be worked around? And then you continue and you determine is this a marriage or is it not a marriage? Can it work or not? But to simply date in this desperate yearning cry? aiming for it to suddenly and magically transform into a marriage. That's not how the world really works.
Daniel Lapin 20:10
Now, I did tell you when we started this show that the Rabbi Daniel Lapin show is not a news-driven show. But something different today. In today's show, I actually want to talk about an earthquake, an earthquake that happened in Turkey. And you might wonder, what do male-female relations that I'm discussing now have to do with the earthquake? And the answer is more than you can imagine. And you just wait. And you will see, I also want to tell you something else you may not be aware of. And that is that I carefully read all comments, and all questions that listeners to this podcast submit, but only the ones that submitted on our happy warrior website. That's where I'm active. And so if you want to have me see your comment or your question, then make sure you are already part of the Happy Warrior community. And I've spoken about this in previous podcasts, I don't want to be the dead horse, you know what to do. You go to RabbiDanielLapin.com. The you join the Happy Warrior community, that's all. And then you will be able to listen to the podcast there if you wish on your usual platform wherever you like. But the key thing is, you'll be able to get in to the community, you'll be able to write and comment. And I respond, but even better than that your fellow happy warriors respond. And so like right now, there's some very interesting conversations going on, on the happy warriors website, conversations about marriage conversations about business. And I can't recommend it highly enough. And I enjoyed the very lively discussion groups on the we happy warriors discussion site. There's one group of people discussing a question raised by somebody with respect to a relationship. He has been out of a relationship for about two years, and somebody at work is now seeming to him. A young woman who he could connect with, and he's asked the community, some questions and other happy worries have responded. And there are people talking about politics or people talking about business issues that could that crop up. And again, it's nice to be able to draw on the collective wisdom of the entire happy warrior community. And so happy warrior is not just a term I use here on the show. It is real, there actually is a community of those of us who think of ourselves as happy warriors. And to join you just go to the website, Rabbi Daniel lapin.com. And you, you join the happy warriors group, that's all or you can also go to the WWE happy warriors.com. But either way, I'll trust you to find it on your own. And to move on.
Daniel Lapin 23:34
So as that we can grow our community a little bit. That'll be fun. Okay, so. So there we've got, I'm talking about what happens when men engage in short-term intimate relationships. And deep down these guys know, they're hurting the woman. They do know that so many, many people have asked me, why is it that in this day of gender egalitarianism, and considerable sexual looseness, why are there still prostitutes? Why are they still professional women? Why? You'd think, you know, who, who would ever sink to the level of having to pay somebody to sleep with them? And the answer is, it's not sinking to a level. It's rising to a level. That's right. It's not, I'm not recommending it. But if the choice were only one, let me put it this way. If a son of mine were to have come to me and said, Look, Dad, I would like your advice. I don't want to hear you tell me don't do it. Because that's not an option. I am going to be doing something and the only choice is how I'm going to be doing it. One possibility is that I'm going to a party being organized by some friends of mine. And I know there will be a girl there, who is who likes me. And I am going to persuade her to come back to my apartment with me. And I was saying, what's the other option? He says, The other option is that I will contact a high-level escort agency, and I will hire a professional lady to keep me company overnight. That's what I mean, it's one of the two, which should I do? What would you say if it's your son, I'll tell you what I would say, the situation never arose. I didn't actually have to do it. But I would have. And I would have said to him, I would rather you do the latter, I'd rather you call you callhigh-qualityity escort agency. Because in the first case, you are harming yourself and the girl. In the first case, you told me she likes you. That means in her mind, subconsciously, maybe. But she's thinking of a long-term future with you. That means marriage, of course, that's what she's thinking. And now you have no intention of doing that. And you know, you have no intention of doing that. So you are voluntarily and willfully causing great pain to another human being to this girl. And in so doing, you're also hurting yourself, you're making yourself a harder, more callous and more cruel person. But if you call up an escort agency, fine. It's all a very straightforward and honest arrangement, the Escort agency and the girl is not expecting any more than prompt and full payment. And you are not letting anybody down or betraying anybody, or misleading anybody at all. So even when girls say to God, I know this, sorry, I don't mind going out with you, I understand that. And he said, I just want you to know I'm not interested in getting married, it's not going to she says, That's fine out of my, in her mind, you won't be able to Reese retain that position. After you spend some time with her, you will want to marry her. That's what she's saying to herself. And you know what, don't be surprised. There are plenty guys who also mislead themselves in these areas and also in the finance area. So don't be surprised by any of that. And so, this goes on, and this hurts the girl, it hurts the girl and makes him less of a person as the erodes his entire moral compass. But what does this do to society as a whole? Well, when repeated again and again, with 1000s, hundreds of 1000s Millions of couples over the years, constantly rotating partners. With serial breakup, following on the heels of serial hookup, you gradually, but very definitely obtain a society of angry male hating women, and a society of cruel, callous men with very shaky moral foundations.
Daniel Lapin 24:33
Remember, that a man who hardens his soul to hurt a woman can eventually hurt others, and in many different ways as well. When a man loses his moral foundation and abandons his set of values, deep down, he knows that he has rested away the skeleton of his moral being, and more and more becomes permissible to him, and more and more becomes possible to him. So what I'm saying is, guys, do yourselves the honor of at least being honest with yourselves. Stop thinking of yourself as a decent upright man, is you do engage in short-term intimate relationships. Because even if the girl assures you that she knows us nothing serious, even if she tells you Yes, I know. I also don't want to get married. That's simply not true. She's fooling herself perhaps, or maybe she isn't. But one thing is certain. And that is that after you have dated her for a little while, she is definitely going to want to marry you. That's what happens. Not every single time but more times than you think. Familiarity is a huge helper. I would often say to guys, you know some guys just Ask absolutely, absolutely yearning to get together with a certain woman. But she, you know, she's just, he's frightened to ask her out. And I said to him, Listen, if all you got to do is figure out how to go out with her four or five times, and at that point, if you don't have the relationship you want, then you blundered by saying that girls don't have a choice, now, of course, they have a choice. But I'm saying that both with men and with women, proximity and familiarity, begins to play a huge role. And then after a couple has dated for a while, there are very strong bonds. And if they've done more than dated, if they've actually engaged in short-term, intimate relationships, the connection is a very strong one, and painful to terminate, right? And guys know what I'm talking about. Because, you know, if, if, let's imagine you meet a girl, and you go out for coffee, and then three days later, you invite her to, to a movie, and then you decide you want to break up, you're not gonna see her anymore. It's no problem, right? Um, don't text. But you know, you pick up the phone and say, you know, I'm really interested primarily in long-term relationships. And, and she probably then says, Yeah, me, too. Yeah. But I've, I'm very convinced that this is not one of those, it's not going to work for me. So I'd like to end it. And the guy doesn't feel bad about doing that. But everything is different if he slept with her, because deep down, he knows that now he owes her. Remember, I said earlier, that you are married to the person you sleep with? Well, that's why you feel bad about walking out. At this point. It's much, much harder for him emotionally, to pick up the phone and say, let's end it. What are you talking about? We're together? The bond is powerful. Yeah, that's right, because we slept together? Because it is.
Daniel Lapin 32:19
So this is a little bit of what happens in a couple, and in societies, when intimate relationships become temporary. And I don't have to tell you what it does within families. Because, again, you know, I can, I can tell you so many examples that popped into my mind of people that have sought my advice, and people whom I've counseled over the years. And one of the things that I mean, one of them was a girl. And she said to me, I didn't know what to do. My brother has just broken up with his girlfriend. And I Okay, fine. Let's not for the moment, let's not go into the use of the word, girlfriend. But tell me one thing. As far as you know, they've been living together. She says, oh, yeah, there's no secret about it. They are living together. And they've been together for nearly three years. And his girlfriend is like a sister to me. And I just can't bear the thought of them breaking up and like, Will I still be able to keep a relationship with? Or can we still be friends? Or you know, what's going to happen? And, and what's gonna happen if he does this again? What happens if he now then finds another girlfriend, and then I build a relationship with her, and then he ends it with her. And then that's also gone. This girl was feeling the anguish, of shattered connections. That's a very real thing. And so, I want to do, I never had the opportunity, but I wanted to say to her brother, you being unbelievably selfish, not only are you hurting yourself, by making yourself a cruel person, not only are you hurting your girlfriend, whose time you took up for two and a half years, and now you're dumping her and making her feel rotten and worthless and horrible. But you've also hurt your sister, because you brought your girlfriend to family gatherings, and your sister have built up a connection with her. And today, they feel like sisters, and now you're shattering that as well. You're not a very nice person. And that's the truth, isn't it? It really is the truth. And none of that has to happen. If first of all, you date purposefully, you only dates in a way that you cannot end up dating for three years or two years or even one year. It doesn't take that long to find out if you compatible or if you're not compatible, it just doesn't. So, yeah, this it doesn't have to happen, all this misery and all the sadness, it does not have to happen. Now, the only way that what I'm importing to is not enormously disturbing is if you are quite certain that human nature is malleable, and that just because, shall we say two generations ago, women were deeply hurt by a man they surrendered themselves to, and who never called him again. But nowadays women have adjusted, the old norms are no longer true. People are different today. Do you believe that? Because if you do, then, by all means, turn off the podcast that I have probably very little to tell you. Because what I'm telling you, is predicated on the simple, irrefutable fact that human nature does not change at your grandmother, being dumped in that fashion, should have felt absolutely miserable, tormented.
Daniel Lapin 36:23
And your mother, the same thing. And you and your daughter, it's always going to be that way. Because the essence of male-female relationships has not really changed. Oh, yes, we've made many changes in society. We've distracted women from family, and try to move them into finance. We've told women, that if you take barked orders, all day long from your boss, who might even yell at you sometimes and make you cry. But if you're a woman who takes orders all day from your boss, why you are a serious career woman good for you. But if you get married and make dinner for your husband, while that's oppression, that slavery, this is what we've successfully taught women over the last few decades. And if you believe that this has actually changed the fundamental nature of women, and turn them into different creatures who view men differently and who, who reacts to romantic disappointment differently. If you believe that well, then what I'm telling you probably is irrelevant. But that's the question you have to ask yourself. Are we are you really, really sure that the way you feel when you win some kind of a victory is quite different from how your grandfather felt when he won a similar victory, whether it was a business victory, or romantic victory or a sporting victory. But when you pulled something off, and you felt on top of the world, is that different from the way your grandfather felt, during the sermon on the way your grandsons gonna feel? Now, when you hold your young baby in your arms, and a gazes up lovingly into your eyes, and then a tiny little smile begins to play around its tiny, little lips. What you feel, is nothing like what your grandmother felt 60 years ago, when your mother was born? Really? No, it's exactly the same. These feelings, these aspects of human nature, regardless of decades of Marxist tempering. We are certainly changing the landscape. But we're not changing human nature. And the huge number of people who seek out therapy and counseling and psychiatric care flows from building ourselves a society and a culture that rides roughshod over the nature of men and the nature of women. Pretending that there is no such thing, but there is and understanding what human nature really is, is one of the things we can get from reading the Bible. It's one of the things we can get from reading Shakespeare. Now, of course, if people are so different today, so different from the way they were 60 years ago, or 100 years ago, or 400 years ago in Shakespeare's time, if people are so different, well then William Shakespeare is obsolete. To the human emotions that he described in the dramatic human situations in his place. emotions like jealousy, fury, love. None of that's true now. All the novels of the French novelists Balzac, where you see tremendous insights into human nature. Irrelevant. The great Russian novelist, Dostoevsky, Anna Karenina insight, oh my goodness. So powerful teachings on human nature. But if human nature has changed, then toss Dostoyevsky out that's no longer relevant, because people have changed fundamentally right? Now actually wrong. And if you're not really sure that people are fundamentally changed, and you even suspect that certain truths about people are always true, they do not evolve away with technology. We might use technology, we might have miraculous dentistry doing wonderful things to our teeth. Human nature, and its truths don't evolve away. We may use technology and have modern artificial hips and artificial knees. But our human natures are still there. Those don't get replaced with technology. We humans can work on ourselves, we can seek our highest selves of discipline, restraint, compassion, responsibility, love. Or we can relax and abandon our moral moorings. So that person you're sleeping with in temporary circumstances. Well, he or she is not your family. Even though you have made that the de facto case but unrecognized as such, because as I've explained, the very act of intimacy creates a bond just like a marriage, but it is a marriage bond, not just like it is. But you're calling him your boyfriend. You're calling her your girlfriend. But what are they really, they're not family. And the proof of that is because you know, the guy's sisters all miserable, that he's breaking up with his girlfriend. Well, if it's family, you don't break up with family. So it's not family, the person you're living with? Is what? Not a friend, that's for sure. So what is he or she? Well, you've created an anomaly in human relationships. And it does not work terribly well, right. Most women do not want temporary, intimate relationships. Most women are honest enough to admit that most women allow themselves to feel an ecstasy and a joy in a permanent intimate relationship that we call marriage, that most women can never allow themselves to feel in a relationship that they know is going to be temporary.
Daniel Lapin 43:28
So now you know what the f of family is about the F of finance? Well, finance is easy, right? It's all the people you connect with as part of your securing the means to eat. Your stockbroker, your investment advisor, your bank manager, it's your customers, your clients, your vendors, as well as your money and the things you own. That's all part of your EFA finances. It's your work supervisor. It's your co-workers. That's all have to has to do with the F of finance. But how about friendships? We've spoken about what family is we've spoken about what finance is, how about friendships? Well, friendships is all relationships that are not family and not financial. Yeah, that's right. political associations. The person you go to exercise with people you might know from church or synagogue, right? Friendships, it's everything. If you are a member of a political party, that's a that's under friendships. Even though you may say to yourself, well, we're not particularly friendly, but it's still under that category. In the same way that family means siblings and cousins, as well as sexual relationships, friendships, all thing all relationships that have nothing to do with finance or Family. Now let's spend a few moments and I am going to talk about an earthquake. You'll see why. Let's see how family and finance and friends, the three F's we're talking about today, how they interact with one another. Family. Again, that means not only uncles and cousins and siblings, but also your sexual relationship, the person you live with and sleep with family and finance, how are these two F's interconnected and interdependent? Well, the intimate relationship, that very special relationship between a man who is making money and the woman he is sharing it with, is far better than in couples of financial equivalence, or upside-down fiscal strength, meaning that most women are most comfortable becoming close to a man who has financial wherewithal, a man whose finances are in good shape, a man whose F of finance is strong. And by the way, this is paralleled in the area of physical strength too. How many women do you think would be comfortable choosing to live with a man who is weaker than them? I remember, I remember asking my daughters when they were teenagers. I was talking to three of them. And I said, Let me set our purposes before you there's two great guys for you to marry. And with our daughters, you know, we were talking about boys and marriage and sex, we're talking about that from from an early age. And it's easy to do, because we taught them a Torah right, we taught them the Book of Genesis, and you don't get that far in the book of Genesis, before people are being conceived and people are being born. And you get a little bit further and there all kinds of other very unusual circumstances. There's an amazing account of a relationship that Lot, Abraham's nephew, Lot has with his daughters. There's an account that Judah has with his daughter-in-law, they're all current. And all of these are opportunities. It's the most wonderful thing to be able to study scripture together with your young child because now it's not going to be sex ed indoctrination at the local get that teaches your child about male-female relationships. It's you and God, you and God together, get the opportunity to teach your child about sex. How, how much better can that be, but I remember I'm talking to our three teenage daughters. And I'd say you got two guys, and you'd like to get married. And these are two available guys. They're lovely guys, both of them have nice sense of humor, they both have integrity. They both have good earning earnings, they both have careers. Just terrific. Except one of them weighs 75 pounds more than you do. And one of them weighs 70 pounds less than you do. In other words, they got the same they're both good looking, they're both got sense of humor, everything the same, but one of them is a bigger and heavier, the new one is smaller and lighter than you and all three girls when I when I said and he's lighter than you, they all sort of shuddered. As it was almost an instinctive recoil and revulsion at the the very idea. Yeah. Isn't that right? Sure. It is true in finances. And it's true in physical fitness as well. Women would like to be with men who are have more money than them and who are physically stronger than them. That's what they'd like. Now, are there exceptions? I don't have to talk about exceptions. If we speak in generalities, then everyone's intelligent enough to figure out and if there's a woman is oh, well, not me. Yeah, I understand. I've also I've seen very happy marriages. Not many, but I've seen very happy marriages where the guy is much smaller than his wife. It happens. It happens. God bless them. I've got nothing but enthusiasm and admiration. God has figured out an incredible way for men and women to connect and more strength to them all. And so one of the ways then, that finance helps family is that a man who is in a good financial position? First of all, gets a better pick of women while he's choosing a life, mate. That's right. He gets a better pic. It's, it's a huge advantage. Now, you've probably heard foolish boys say things well, I want, I want her to love me for me, not because of my money. And then just missing the point entirely. They're, they're not realizing that money is spiritual. And that a man's relationship with his money tells a woman a huge amount about him. It's all very important. And so as I said, foolish boys will say, oh, I want you to love me, for me, not my money. Yeah, that's not how the real world works. She does and will love you for you. But your money is a very important part of who you are. Just as your physical fitness is. Right. In other words, if you are much smaller than then the girl you're looking to, to win as a life mate, that will be harder. And if you have no money, that will be harder as well. These are legitimate parts of who you are. It's nothing wrong with that. And a smart woman would not be smart, if she didn't take that into account, she'd be a fool. So finance helps family. It goes without saying that afterwards, in terms of a family is being built and his wife and his children, obviously a man who is making money is in a much, much better position, not only in terms of his relationship with his wife, because everybody knows that many problems cause cause huge marital stress. So finance helps family in every way. But how about the reverse? Do you think family helps finances? Well, the answer is yes, very much. So what do I mean? Well, think about it this way. There really are two ways to work, you can either work for you, only for you. Or you can work for others that you really care about. In other words, if you are a sole single man, and or for that matter, saying a woman and you go to work every day, and you put your money in the bank, and you're building up a nest egg and and every now and then you go on vacation or you buy yourself something nice, who you working for just you. But there is a reason that married men out earn single men. And it's a hugely significant disparity. These are an arguable statistics they've never been refuted. Now, sometimes, statisticians try and say, well, it goes the other way men who have money get married?
Daniel Lapin 53:14
No, what we see is that men's earning power increases after they marry. And they're parallel. Their friends who were very similar to them in every demographic respect, but who stayed single, do not enjoy the same growth. How do you explain that? It's easy. It takes a certain motivation to get to go to work. It takes motivation to keep yourself at work. It takes motivation to drive yourself rigorously, even when you don't feel like it. It takes a great deal of work, to force yourself to go to work on Monday morning after you've had a potting weekend. And if it's just you, it's much easier to let go. But when you are working for a wife and for your children, the drive is so powerful that you outperform single guys, yeah, that is one of the ways only one there are many others. That family helps finance many people Oh, I don't want to get I don't want to get married and have children is going to use up all my money. Do you know how many how much money it costs to raise a child to the age of 80? The bottom line is the truth is that a family makes you earn more money. It doesn't take away your money. How about two other F's? How about friendship and family? How does your friends how does having a good relationship with friends help family? Well, it's very simple and that is that. If you're a married guy and you hang out with a lot of divorced guys, you are going to find it more and more difficult to get through The rough periods in your marriage. If you're a woman, and you're hanging out mostly with divorced women, and bitter women, single women have never been married, and you hang out with, with people who are not good friends for you, it's gonna be harder for you. The friends you hang out with are hugely important to how your life gets lived. And family helps friends. Sure, any married man knows, they have Christmas cards and birthday greetings and all the all those connections, almost always done by the wife. Right. And married men also know how many friends they have. And very often, by the way, very often, even subsequent business relationships come about. Because your wife says, you know, our son or our daughter has been playing with a kid in this family. And I think we should invite them over for dinner one evening, or we should take them out for dinner to a restaurant. And it turns out to be a wonderfully important relationship came about because you had children who played with the children of that family, and you had a wife who spoke to the wife of that guy. And all of that comes together, these things are things that single men do not have it so it's much much easier for married people to connect them for singles. And I'll tell you why. It's because single people, and through no fault of their own. I wife and I love having single people as guests at our Shabbat table, we love it, we find it very stimulating. And if we can also be instrumental in them meeting one another and forming families, that's even better. But in general, moving around in society, being single, it's a little harder to connect, fortunately, for the reasons I just said, and also partially because there is a slight anxiety about single people. They can seem well, needy, they need something. And so a single woman, particularly if she's attractive, can find it very difficult to make friends with the core elements of her society, namely couples and families, married couples, and families. And those are exactly the ones who are not completely always easy. With a single woman or a single man, a business also, sometimes a single person seems more hungrier than a married person, I don't mean physically hungry, but you know, everybody in business is on the lookout they are wary about people who might latch themselves on to them and start trying to drain them.
Daniel Lapin 58:17
Whether it's time or resources, you know, everybody has limited resources and limited time. And so if somebody radiates an almost desperate need for connection, that can cause a recoil on the part of many people. Let's let's go back to William Shakespeare if you don't mind. If Shakespeare who was written who wrote his plays 400 years ago, if human nature has changed, then almost nothing Shakespeare wrote is of any relevance at all. But let me read to you from the second scene of Act One of Shakespeare's play Julius Caesar. And it's Antony and Caesar are there. And Anthony here sees a calling out Antonius. And Anthony says Caesar, and Caesar says to Anthony his assistant, let me have men about me that all fat, sleek-headed men, and such as sleep at nights yawn. Cassius has a lean and Hungary look. He thinks too much. Such men are dangerous. And since he says, Fear Him not Caesar, he's not dangerous. He's a noble Roman and well given. Caesar says word that he will factor but I fear Him not. Well, he should have feared him. But Shakespeare is making a very important point here. Sin People sometimes have a lean and hungry look. Now, it's not a physical look, it's a spiritual look. And not everybody spots it, not everybody sees it as well as others. But people who are sensitive to be able to read the nature of other people, people who can understand human faces can look at somebody and say, You know what? He's lean and hungry, his thinking and plotting to match. And I'll tell you one thing, that's not the kind of people we like doing business with. It's one of the reasons that super high intelligent people never do well in business seldom do well in business. Because they radiate a sense of thinking too deeply, too much, having hidden agendas that I can't possibly understand. And so I don't like hanging out with people, I certainly don't like doing business with them. And so in the first act of Julius Caesar, Shakespeare taps into this idea that Caesar would be more comfortable with people who look comfortable themselves and happy. People who are fat, again, not physically, but who are looking satisfied content with life, who sleep at night. But now he says yawn. Cassius has a lean and hungry look, he thinks too much. Such men are dangerous, or there's something to be learned from that. The F of friendships also describes our relationships with the society in which we live, right. And we also should know how much the FFA impacts the nature of that society.
Daniel Lapin 1:01:52
Now, as I said, this is not a news driven show. So I ordinarily do not excitedly report on the latest news. But something interesting has happened that I do want to talk about together with you. And that is that on February the sixth 2023, a very major earthquake struck in Turkey. On February the sixth 2023, early in the morning, while people were still in bed, at 7.5 Richter earthquake struck Turkey. And it was felt in Turkey and Syria was felt in Iraq, it was felt in Jordan, it was felt in even in Cyprus, actually, interestingly enough, and 1000s of people seem to have lost their lives at the time, I'm preparing this show. I don't know what the exact number is, but it's already many 1000s of people, and it's gonna grow. In April 19 106, was actually April the 18th. In the year 1906. Is 7.9. Earthquake struck in San Francisco, California, and level the city level the city. So Turkey was 7.5. California in 1906, was three was 7.9, stronger, and it's an it's a logarithmic scale. For those of you who who understand, it means that a 7.9 is actually quite a lot more powerful than a 7.5 that killed 3000 people. But you got to remember this is over 100 years ago, construction standards in San Francisco back then. And not like what they would be today. And yet, even then, lots of the houses in San Francisco were wood there were fires going on. Even then the the death toll in a big crowded city was only 3000 people. We got to understand something very important here. Let me jump to December the 22nd 2003. In California, a 6.5 Richter earthquake struck in in the Paso Robles area, Central California, they call it the San Simeon earthquake, and two people lost their lives. Now, you could say that it's not a densely packed city there. And so, you know, what do you what do you expect, however, even looking at the damage of the buildings that were within the earthquake, bad earthquake zone, they didn't fall whereas, whereas in dry so, that was December 22. Round. I told you that because four days later on December 26, that same year, four days after the California Earthquake, another earthquake also of 6.5 Same earthquake struck in Iran in a town called bomb. And that killed 34,000 people, maybe many more, the full total, even though it happened in 2003, full total, still not known but at least 34,000 people. So we've got one earthquake in California kills two people, four days later the same strength earthquake, same strength hits in Iran and kills 34,000 people.
Daniel Lapin 1:05:35
Why is it just because of crowded conditions? No, because they've been earthquakes in San Francisco since 1906. Not not quite of that order. Right, none of that order. But earthquakes. Nonetheless, what's happened is we've learned how to deal with earthquakes. In other words, our concern for human life has caused us to undertake expensive programs, and expensive precautionary measures to retrofit buildings and build new buildings that can withstand it. And so this does not happen in the non-western world. And so, in California, the San Simeon earthquake, as I said, December the 22nd 2003, two people die. The same level of earthquake in Iran kills 34,000. The Northridge earthquake in 1994 in Los Angeles, big city, big earthquake 6.7. Right. That's big. That's stronger than the earthquake that hit in Iran in the city of bomb and, and there in Los Angeles, January the 17th 94 big earthquake. 57 people died in 1989, in October, the 17th 1989 in the Oakland San Francisco area, a 6.9 Richter earthquake that's stronger than the one in Iran. Courts called the Loma Prieta earthquake and caused freeways to collapse. Some of you might remember seeing the photographs, and 57 people were killed by the earthquake 57. Now 63 I'm sorry, 63. And so, right, look, it's what's going on here. It's not that the earthquakes are weaker in America than they are in other parts of the world. No. in 2004 on December 26, near just after Christmas, in the year 2004. You know, what happened? There was a tsunami, an earthquake and a tsunami on the in the Indian Ocean happened deep under the Indian Ocean. And what happened? It was a big earthquake. It might have been a 9.1. It's hard to measure because it was it was underground. But at any rate, there was a tsunami that followed, and over 200,000 people died. One of the problems was that although they knew it was coming, because the tsunami had been warned from other islands, they had no way to inform the population. There were no sirens, there were no warning programs. Do you know that in countries, some of the countries that were afflicted by that tsunami, and were 200,000 people died, to this day, right now? Right? Right now 17 18 19 years later, and they're still 18 years later, they still haven't set it up. It's just not important enough. In Bangladesh, almost every year, storms and hurricanes drown 1000s and 1000s of people in 1953. At the beginning of the year, there was a terrible storm in the North Sea. And it flooded over the dikes in Holland. And much of Holland is below sea level. It drowned 1800 people there was a huge calamity for a small country like Ireland. Do you know that no one's died from flooding since then, because the the Dutch immediately started building the Delta and design as a reclamation project. And now the North Sea can better away as much as it likes and it doesn't flood Holland, because they made sure it doesn't happen. Why through the people in Bangladesh not set up a system like Holland, Dutch engineers could show them exactly how to do it. Because beliefs, shape actions and thought of a Judeo-Christian Western belief system is that saving lives is paramount, whatever it takes. And so they do it. But in other cultures, life is not nearly as precious. And other faiths life is not nearly as precious. And so it's just not that big a deal. Fine. 200,000 people drowned in a tsunami. Fun, you know, doesn't happen every week, it happened, we're not going to they don't worry about making sure it never happens again. Those Dutch farmers in the Netherlands nothing doing now can I have this happen again. And sure enough, since 1953, to the present day, nothing like that has been allowed to happen, the storms rage, the North Sea is our rough place in January and February. But it hasn't hurt Holland, the earthquake in 1906, that devastated San Francisco, never happened. Again, there have been big earthquakes, big earthquakes in California, that never caused the same amount of damage. Because saving life is an important Western value. And so when I speak about your friendships, extending well beyond the people you actually think of as friends, because remember, I taught you that friends are everybody that with whom you do not have a family connection, or a financial connection, everybody else's friends. And what that means, of course, is that the kind of society your friends build, depends very much on the faith that they observe. Because you have to know that societies are shaped as much by what people believe, as they are on what people know. That's a very, very deep idea. But it's something that you should know about that beliefs, shape behavior, at least as much and very often more than knowledge does. That's a biggie. So my dear happy warriors, that brings us close to the end of today's program. And it really is time if you haven't yet, got yourself a free copy of the ebook just downloaded the websites called The Holistic You go ahead and do it. Because we're going to eventually, I don't know exactly when, but in the next few months, it's probably going to become less available, because it's going to be replaced by a 200-page book, the full explanation of the five F's and how to make them a part of your life, and to make sure that you grow in all of those five areas simultaneously. So I want to wish you all a great week until we're together again next week, a week where you move and grow onwards and upwards. In your faith, in your families, in your finance, in your friendships, and in your physical fitness. I'm Rabbi Daniel Lapin. God bless.
Transcribed by https://otter.ai
