TRANSCRIPT
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The Rabbi Daniel Lapin Podcast
Episode: Mental Health Without Financial Wealth?
Date: 07/01/25 Length: 00:46:29
Daniel Lapin 0:01
Greetings, Happy Warriors and welcome to the Rabbi Daniel Lapin show where we don't have this opportunity so often, and I really ought to make sure it happens far more often, but that is it's a joint conversation. Susan Lapin and me, we are together going to talk about the topic of today's podcast, but first of all, I want to welcome you all and remind you that the more that things change, the more we need to depend on those things that never change, and happy warriors. As your rabbi, I've got a little bit of housekeeping first to deal with immediately, and then we'll move right on. First of all, as always, I ask you please to subscribe. This is like standard, isn't it? I don't think I've heard a pot and I listen to podcasts. I don't think I've heard a podcast lately where somebody you know doesn't say and please don't forget to subscribe. So I'm not going to take the time to explain why, because I don't think there's an individual left on the planet who doesn't understand how algorithms work on the various platforms. And so subscribing is a help. That's all there is to it. And if you are able to do that, we appreciate it.
Susan Lapin 1:27
It's helped to the listener, because otherwise it's very easy for a few weeks to go by and you all of a sudden realize, Oh, I haven't heard a podcast I really enjoy. When I subscribe, it helps me. Yeah,
Daniel Lapin 1:37
you know. And I found that I have subscribed to a number of polygons for exactly that
Susan Lapin 1:42
idea, because otherwise there are so many things. And yeah, obviously, sometimes a headline or the topic grabs me and sometimes it grabs me less. But if I wasn't subscribed, I probably would drop some things that I really enjoy.
Daniel Lapin 1:54
I think that at some point in the future, I think people might be interested to know what you're subscribed to and what I'm subscribed to. People might find that interesting, so we'll do that. Okay. Second thing I wanted to mention is this, and this one is really for your benefit, and that is, we have prepared a free e book for Happy Warriors. It's called, Boost Your Income, Three Spiritual Strategies for Financial Success. And here's the great thing, you may download it absolutely for free. It's it's got a lot of the really crucial material that people need to wrap themselves around to effect significant change in financial outcome, and it's called boost your income. It's available on you'll see it at Rabbi Daniel lapin.com it's at our website. Rabbi Daniel lapin.com always point out 2l because sometimes it's hot L, Daniel ends with an L spell, and Lapin starts with an L, but, but there it is. Rabbi, Daniel lapin.com, look for the free e book. Boost your income. It's right there on the home page. You should have no trouble finding it. We really would like you to have this as a gift and implement it, please, because the more money that happy warriors succeed in generating, the more you will be listened to, and the more influential you will be. That's a reality, right? Because people don't pay much attention to broke people, and so boost your income is going to, I hope, make you a more influential happy warrior, and that is the goal right there. Now, Susan I started talking recently about an article that appeared in The Wall Street Journal. And one of the wonderful things about living with Mrs. Lapin is that she comes up with articles, and I come up with articles, but when we talk about them, we get ever so much more out of them, and it's probably not bad for our marriage either. You
Susan Lapin 4:12
know, I did actually on my sub stack a few weeks ago. That was the topic of my sub stack. I wrote about family reading, not just be reading with children, but also within a marriage, that that's a very healthy thing for a marriage. And for an example, here is this article. I happened to read this one first, and I sent it to you, and pretty much what happened was that instead of saying, let's discuss it over supper tonight, we said, Well, why don't we just discuss it with many other people? Yes, in a podcast.
Daniel Lapin 4:42
So all right, so since it was your article, you go for it.
Susan Lapin 4:46
So the article was is by Claire ansberry, and it's entitled, Why success is quieter for younger Americans, and appeared June 28 in the Wall Street Journal. And it actually would, at first glance. It sounds like it contradicts you're telling people to please download boost your income for free, because it's how important it is to boost your income, because it is actually the antithesis of that. What it is saying, the article is stating, is that, here's the first check, the first sentence, younger adults are redefining success and shifting their focus from wealth to health, and then we can get into the specifics of the article. And it's not only health, is it? Well, it's heavily health, mental and physical. Ah, okay, mental, so that's really the gist of the article. Is that people are saying, I'm thinking, that being wealthy isn't really important, or as important. And of course, my immediate reaction is, well, they should have gotten this book, the holistic cue, because if they had this book, our book with its accompanying workbook, we've been saying this, that even while and I think everyone should download, boost your income, but we have never said that that is the goal of life is to boost your income. It fits into a holistic you. It fits into five areas. One of the frustrating things here was it says that wealth came in fifth among young people, young adults, when they ranked what's important. It doesn't tell you what the five things
Daniel Lapin 6:17
are. I know, I know. I try. I tried to derive them myself, but tell me my first
Susan Lapin 6:23
physical and mental health were the top measures of success with wealth is fifth, so we don't know wealth is number four, so we don't know what
Daniel Lapin 6:30
three and my first reaction to that and tell me if you think I'm right or not, my first reaction to that was, do you remember there was a movie about how, I think it was Howard Hughes, and there's a, I think he was played by Leonardo DiCaprio. I may be wrong, but in the movie, he was visiting a wealthy family, and I think this was before he'd really broken through. And Katharine Hepburn said to him something like, I wish I had the exact words. Was, it was nice script writing. She said something like, in our family, in this home, we don't like talking too much about money, to which he responded, Because
Susan Lapin 7:17
you haven't something of that sort. I
Susan Lapin 7:20
know the movie, but
Daniel Lapin 7:22
yeah, he said, Yeah, that's a luxury that people who don't, who have plenty of it, can afford. And is this an article about very upwardly mobile, financially successful Gen Z people?
Susan Lapin 7:37
Yes, and I think that is the point that at a certain point, there's a they speak to someone who's a father of three, and he says he wants to have security that he can take care of his family, but he also doesn't want he wants to know his children. He wants, wants the success. I think he defines success. He heard it from someone else who said success is when your adult children want to spend time with you, which is a good definition of one aspect of success. And he's saying, I don't want to work so hard. And I think what you've got here is we're talking about wealth. And of course, what people the definition? What is your definition of wealth? Is part of it that, if your definition of wealth is a Hollywood stars you know, to have multi billions and to make a million dollars, every, you know, every, every day. That's not a healthy definition. Well, Susan,
Daniel Lapin 8:30
I think one of the things we did really well in the holistic you and is that we showed how focusing on all the 5f together, together in an integrated kind of way, helps you arrive at a healthy and viable definition of wealth.
Susan Lapin 8:54
Yes, and I think one of the things that this article makes clear is that, or I think it's a reaction, and whenever there's reactions, 10 reactions tend to go a little too far. That's when the pendulum swings. It doesn't swing to the middle, it swings to the other end. So I think you have a generation of men and women who were told so much that you have to focus your 20s and your early 30s, don't even think about anything other than you. That's your time. You've got to become financially successful. And that was part of the reason we wrote the book, was a reaction to that, to say, No, those are also the years you should be building your family and building your friendships and building your relationship with the Spiritual World, within with with faith. And also I left one out, whatever it would be fitness. And so that one, I think did go, I think young people tend to, you know that went along with so go to the gym and work, and those were the only two things in your life. And
Daniel Lapin 9:54
in fact, one of the very first facilities that companies like Microsoft and their major. I do the very one of the very first things they did was build gyms
Susan Lapin 10:03
on that one, I think, but, but, but the reason the idea was later, you'll worry about family later. And friendships. Well, partying was something, but that was almost an unhealthy partying, whether it was drinking or drugs or or sex, it wasn't that's not a real friendship. Partying and friendships are not the same thing. And so I think what's happening is here is this is a I think they're talking about, I don't know what this new generation, what is the generation called? I don't even know, but that there was the reaction is, well, I'm not going to focus on the the felt, the the wealth, because I want those other things, instead of recognizing it is part of a of a holistic you as part of a a picture together. So I think that's my reaction reading this article, is they're going to 20 years from now, there's going to be the article about the next generation saying, I I want satis. I want to have, I want to contribute to the world in a way that that gives me money and that I find satisfying, because they're going to have gone to the other parents will have gone to the other extreme, and that's what happens to the next generation.
Daniel Lapin 11:15
So I once had a fly back and forth who originally came and wanted to meet with me over this very question of, how does he know? What should his financial goals be? He was a capable person, and I have no doubt that had he thrown himself entirely into business to the detriment of health, family, spiritual, everything, I think he might have probably been able to accumulate a net worth in the many hundreds of millions, perhaps even a billion. He could have done that. But when we laid out the 5f analysis, and we spent a couple of days going through that and evaluating it, I remember saying to him, so should we now go back to trying to establish what your financial goal is? And he smiled. He says, No, it's clear now I know exactly what it is. It's not, it's not in the hundreds of millions. My goal is in the 10s of millions, because that I can do whilst also focusing on family, on fitness, on faith and on friendships.
Susan Lapin 12:31
So that's what, that's what my reaction here was. And also, I think, and this is becoming more pop, more acceptable. It's more acceptable to say this today than it was five years ago. There's no distinction made in this article between men and women. Oh, yes. And so when it says basically, one of the points made in the article is that this is a generation that's grown up with social media, and so they now have access to a whole they can read as many blogs, and they can watch vlogs, and they can have access to a whole bunch of older people saying, here are my regrets. And what are these people regretting? These people are regretting that they are when they reach middle age. They're saying they're regretting that they didn't prioritize their own mental health, physical and mental health, it seems, is what their mental health, I gather, would include relationships, because obviously that's an important thing. And so the
Daniel Lapin 13:30
article says, COVID 19 reminded millennials and Gen Z adults of the fleeting nature of good health and spurred a mass work from home movement. This opened their eyes to other less stressful options and measures of success. Says Zach Dick Wald, who's 35 years old, who researches global generational shifts and cross geography collaboration, and is co author of the study health is a success in and of itself, says dick 12, who says there are still plenty of people in his age who want to be at the top of law firms and investment banks and see that as success.
Susan Lapin 14:11
So one of the things that I think this younger generation is dealing with, and it's a reality, and it mentions it, they're watching their parents, and part of it is a it's just that that absolute reaction, oh, my goodness, I'm watching my mother or my father, whether it's diabetes or Alzheimer they didn't take good enough care of their self. And that's partially what the faith part of the we talk about in holistic you not that one should not take care of oneself, but recognizing that not everything is in our control is an important part of faith. It's understanding whether you want to call it God, you want to call it nature, whatever you want to call it. The fact is, we cannot remember. Do you remember that was it was his name, Jim fix, who was the runner? Who was
Daniel Lapin 14:58
very big on John? Yeah. Eight, I think you're right.
Susan Lapin 15:01
And then he died at a relatively young age, so his whole thing, you can do everything absolutely right. You can eat the right foods, and you can filter your water, and you can exercise and do everything that you believe will help. And the bottom line is you cannot control for illness, let alone for the drunk driver or the I have actually a neighbor. There was a there was, I'm trying to remember when, I think it was in the 1960s maybe the 50s, there was a plane crash over New York, and a piece of the plane fell down and hit a male mailman on his route. He was, he was a neighbor. He lived across the street from me. I mean, you cannot, you cannot guarantee that you are going to be healthy and that you're going to have a guaranteed long life. So I think that's one of the things I kind of get a feel here, that there's this feeling of I have to control, which is still a very strong feeling, I believe, among a young generation, I can control
Daniel Lapin 16:01
five F's. And by the way, you, I don't know if you remember, I mean, it's not long ago we wrote, it's a new book, but the chapter headings meet the five F's, number one, number two, connect for success. That's friendship. Number three is seeing the invisible faith. That's faith. Chapter Four, fitness, body building. Number five, money and morality. Number six was an interesting chapter to write and a very interesting chapter to read, sex, pleasure and pain. Number seven is some tough decisions. And number eight, putting the five Fs to work. And so, yes, the designing of your life, leaving out the F of faith, leaving out the spiritual, leaving out the intangible. I think it's impossible, and part
Susan Lapin 16:51
of that intangible, and I get here, there's a they quote, a woman called Rachel Beck who ended up COVID, ended up ending her job. It sounds like it might have ended her marriage as well, and she's saying that her definition of success changed. It was very personal. Well, she's dealing blackjack at a resort, and she's working part time at a local distillery, and she is has a podcast for women who are happily single, and I have to say, if you're going to look ahead and you're going to say she should be, she should be reading blogs and paying attention to women 20 years ahead of her, who said I had a lot of fun in my 40s. It is fun to go travel around the world with my single friends and to do these low stress jobs, but 20 years later, when I it gets old pretty quickly, and 20 years later is when you're alone and you don't have a family, and you don't have a nice, secure bank account so that you can deal with things. And just like COVID hit, we don't know what's coming down the pipe. We never going to know what's coming down the pipe, correct, right? And so I think that pretty much I found this article, and I think this is tends to be the type of article it is. It's a, Oh, that's interesting, but it's not a wisdom for life, no. And the flaw
Daniel Lapin 18:17
of this article is after having just told us about Miss Beck, who is single 45 traveling a lot, living working, low stress life, living alone, then what it says is, listen to this quote Susan. A big advantage that millennials and Gen Z adults have in being socially connected and informed is that they can draw lessons from older adults at an earlier stage of their own lives. Social media has transmitted life lessons that boomers learned at the end of their careers about what matters, but they haven't taken all the lessons.
Susan Lapin 18:59
Right? We all do that. We all choose what we want to read. And I would certainly agree with this man who's quoted, who's 37 who says that success is your adult children. There was used to there was a song. Do you remember? I think was a Harry Chapin, if that's his name, song, Time in a Bottle. And it was about a father who, when the little his little son says, Come play ball with me. Says, I'd love to, but I have to work. And when the little boy says, let's play a game, he says, I'd love to, but I have to work. And then the movie, the song goes through, and at the end, the father says to the son, who's now grown up, let's spend some time together. And the son says, I'd love to, but I'm busy. I have to really, it was, I'm trying to think it was a harp it is, and it was, it's probably a Kichi song. Now, if you listen to it, but when it was, it was a, it was a number one song for a while. I don't remember. When do you remember the name Cabot cats cabin, the cradle, or cat's cradle, something like that. Cats in the cradle. That's the it is. It's a very, it's a very poignant song. Yeah. Yes, and what we've always said, I do think we actually say this in the holistic view that you hear a lot, no one ever said. My father worked an extra day. I worked an extra day on the gravestone, and a child says, I'm messing us up. Sorry. Let's start that one again. Do you know what I mean about the soccer game? Let's
Daniel Lapin 20:20
make sure we get it out right? Yes, it's very it was very popular, and maybe it still is, for working dads to say, I would never miss my kids ball game, or baseball or whatever. I never miss my kids ball game because, after all, who wants to put on your gravestone, he worked an extra day at the office. Right, right?
Susan Lapin 20:42
But the problem is that if your child isn't having supper and they're going to bed hungry, they'd rather you go spend the day at the office than than come to their ball game. And if you don't have children because you're so focused on well, I need to be having my own life, and I mustn't be tied down. And I, I am the most important thing, the voice
Daniel Lapin 21:04
of that unborn child who said, Thanks for not bringing me into the world because you were so busy.
Susan Lapin 21:10
So just it's that. I mean, I really do feel like we should, everybody who's reading this article should order the holistic you, because it really that's not enough. And when we you go back to the fact that we're offering right now, boost your income as a download. It's not saying the most important download. It's not saying the most important thing is growing your bank balance. Although that's what it's focused it's focused on it. But it's focused on it is in part of an entire system in which we deal with in other things. And it's also focused on it one of, one of the three steps to success that you talk about is connect, that you connect with other people. In other words, it's not well if I can earn a lot of money sitting in front of a computer and never talking to another person, that's that's what I should do, is that you're connecting with other people as well. And in that is satisfaction. I think this is a little bit in the article, they talk about people doing work that they enjoy, and that's valid. What was the quote? And someone mentioned it in in our coaching group last week. Someone mentioned, when we run a coaching group, and someone mentioned the quote, which is very well known also, that if you do what you love, you'll never work a day in your life. Yes, okay. It's very common. It's very common. It's not right. It's not true. It cannot be true. There is nothing you can do for your whole life that isn't going to have times or things that have to be done that are not appealing as part of it.
Daniel Lapin 22:40
You think so, and also nothing right? And what we stress all the time is how wrong it is to seek out a career based on what you enjoy doing, because there are a lot of things we enjoy doing, and nobody's offered to pay us to do them, but far more importantly, do what needs to be done, find out what needs to be done in your environment, in your orbit, and you can very often tell that by the relative pay scales for different occupations, and then learn to love doing it. And that's what most successful people do, because I have found through many, many, many interviews that the vast majority of people with careers and, you know, spoken to builders and driver truck drivers and riggers and plumbers and lawyers and doctors, and when you ask them if you could do it all over Again, you know, speak to a guy in his 60s, you know you're coming to the tail end of a successful career doing whatever. If you could do it all again, what would you rather be? And you know what the overwhelming majority of them, I want to say all of them, but there's never, always 100% so maybe there are a few who didn't, but all I remember are the vast majority of them saying, I do exactly the same thing again. Now it's impossible that, by sheer chance, they all lucked into exactly the thing that makes them happy. No, they learnt to be happy doing what they were doing. And one of the reasons is because doing something competently is really a source of joy,
Susan Lapin 24:19
that I think is part of what's missing here. The what's part of what's missing here is that the your work is to give you money, and that is what their people here are seeing. And I think what they're missing is an intrinsic satisfaction coming from doing something that is contributing to the lives of the people around you, to the society around you. And so they're, they're focused on wealth, as in. And we know people, right, you, you become a lawyer, and then we know people who did, they ended up getting the plum job. And it was, it was soul sucking, it was they were, it was, it was they were many people who and they left it. And so I. Think that's the misapprehension or miss something in this article, which is the idea that it's how I can how can I learn, earn a lot of money, versus what else could I do? And there's not in this article, really isn't the idea that in what I'm doing, I can have a lot of satisfaction, and that goes along with that basic income idea, which, well, if the government could just supply us all with money, we wouldn't have to work. Missing out that that will take away from mental and spiritual health. Isn't
Daniel Lapin 25:33
that back to also the lottery thing. People who win money very seldom discover that their lives are improved. In fact, the stories are usually sad sagas of bad things, really a catalog of calamity, almost always when people win a lot of money, people who earn a lot of money, totally different story. And that's why in Hebrew and also in English, interestingly enough, although not in all languages, there's a different word for winning and a different word for earning, because earning money is a joyful occupation in and of itself. And back to the person who says, Don't miss your kids football game because no one's going to be interested in a gravestone that says he worked extra hours at the office. What would the son or daughter rather have and and I think I know the answer. Thinking back, do you know what I'm gonna say?
Susan Lapin 26:36
I think so. I think what you're gonna say is the message, we haven't raised a very happy generation of children when we've been catering to well, everything we do has to be to make the children happy. We've actually raised a very miserable generation of children who are full of anxiety, they have lack of resilience, lack of grit. We always told
Daniel Lapin 26:56
our children that, don't you want me to be happy? No, we actually want you to be happy as an adult. When you
Susan Lapin 27:02
say, I am more concerned that you're happy at 40 than 1430, at 13, it works for a lot of the teenage numbers that, yes, that there, and that when you're so focused on the importance of the children's life, and that's what the adults life revolves around, you end up very often making unhappy children, or children who grow into unhappy adults when they find out that that's not how the whole world works. The whole world is not there to make them happy.
Daniel Lapin 27:30
I was very tickled to discover, as one sometimes does, that our children had a debate a few weeks ago about whether we loved each other more, or whether we loved them more, and that's really that was a great conversation that they had. I think it was a positive thing, because the reality is that a couple that nurture their marriage are giving the very best gift they can to their children far more important than obsessively jumping up to take care of their children's every need. I think it's called helicopter parenting. It's got a lot of names, but you haven't told me what I was going to ask, what I was going to say, would a child, would a child rather have a father, or, shall we say, Father for the moment at the ball game he's playing, or would he rather be able to recount every thrilling detail of the game to his father at the dinner
Susan Lapin 28:31
table? Well, I don't think that's an either or. Truthfully, I mean, I think that. I don't think that's an either or. I think that a a child who had a good game is excited that if his parents being there, does that mean? Is like, is that like the cane being pulled off the
Daniel Lapin 28:47
stage? Yeah, using me? Oh,
Susan Lapin 28:51
I just don't think, I don't think that's a valid but I've been
Daniel Lapin 28:53
thinking about, you know, Would I rather, and I was sort of tending towards saying I would actually rather be able to talk about it with my father then simply know he was there,
Susan Lapin 29:03
but you could talk about it after knowing. Let's say
Daniel Lapin 29:05
that it also but let's say that's not, let's say it isn't either or. And the father who is so concerned to be at the game it's more fair, is not nearly that concerned to be at the family table. Okay,
Susan Lapin 29:19
if you're going to make that, I just don't think that is the choice, though, but I think what the what's missing in this article, and it really is at the end, it's quoting one man, and he's saying for him, physical and mental health comes first, followed by relationship with spouse, relationship with family and personal growth. And he's missing the whole message of the holistic you, which is that your your physical and mental health comes from your relationship with your spouse, your relationship with your family, your relationship with your money, with the relationship with other things that you don't have. It's not physical. I mean your fitness, even your fitness, because one of the chapter on fitness in the book talks about how our fitness is incredibly impacted by our mental. Spiritual and spiritual state. And so when he's putting those as two separate things, physical and mental health, you're they're not separate. If you're in middle of a divorce, you are not going to have very good mental health. You're going to be going through a rough time. So if you say, I need my mental health, I have to do my, you know, my my yoga, or I have to go on my retreats and I and in because of that, you end up without a marriage. It's not going to end up helping your physical and mental health,
Daniel Lapin 30:30
precisely. And you know what, one of the idols that the holistic you shatters into smithereens, which the idol of we must emphasize work life balance, yes, because looking at the five F's, family finances, faith, fitness and friendships, finance, your whole work life, your whole financial and business life, is part of life, and it is assisted by many other aspects, many other of these five arenas, and it in turn impacts the other five. The idea that you've sort of got to, well, your work. No,
Susan Lapin 31:14
that's not true. The phrase I like to use is that the five parts of your life have to complete each other, not compete with each other. That's good. Now, on a, on a, you know, when you come to a specific I have 10 minutes, what can I do? Obviously, you cannot do all five. It's not, you know, they don't all. It's not that you constantly mix them together, but in your overall scheme of things, they have, they complete each other. Yeah,
Daniel Lapin 31:38
absolutely. So, Susan, let's just look and see if there's anything else in this article from The Wall Street Journal, which appeared in the journal at the end of June.
Susan Lapin 31:50
I think also you did make this point earlier, but when you look at it like this woman who is now working as a blackjack dealer and a distillery, well, she still owns an apartment in Manhattan, which she rents out. We're not talking about people who are saying, Will I have a roof over my head tonight?
Daniel Lapin 32:08
Yeah. And by the way, an apartment in Manhattan is not the same price as an apartment in Boise, Idaho,
Susan Lapin 32:15
actually, after the next mayoral election, it could be that it will go very
Daniel Lapin 32:18
cheap. You're right at the time we're having this conversation, there is a Muslim socialist guy running for mayor of New York who's got through and won the first
Susan Lapin 32:31
Democratic nominee. He will be the Democratic nominee.
Daniel Lapin 32:37
Eric Adams will probably run against him, and
Susan Lapin 32:39
maybe as well. Curtis Silva from The Guardian, yeah, I have a soft spot.
Daniel Lapin 32:49
Yeah, God bless him, but yeah, I lost my train of thought on that one. I'm sorry, but
Susan Lapin 32:57
that real estate, if it happened, maybe your
Daniel Lapin 33:00
point that she owns. So
Susan Lapin 33:03
this article,
Susan Lapin 33:06
this is a first world yes problem, yeah. This is not an article which in itself, go
Daniel Lapin 33:13
back and look at the letters to the editor and see if people nailed that point. I think that's maybe one of the most important things about this article is that this is not how regular people live. Yes,
Susan Lapin 33:24
and so, and I don't think most people, if I think of being with what the World Wealth mean, what the word wealth means, you can only imagine what they are thinking when they're talking about well, they want to be financially secure. They want to be able to have a family. If they want to have a family. They want to be able to have a home and vacations and all sorts of things. So what did wealth mean? I mean, Kim Kardashian. I mean, what did you What were they? They had very unhealthy views, if, well, was more than that,
Daniel Lapin 33:53
but at the start, if, all, if you're dividing your life up. And somebody who wrote and asked the rabbi recently wrote us and said he's experiencing turmoil and unhappiness and and he he tried to do people told him he should separate his personal life from his business life, and I can't do it. And we answered, I think you made that point is, of course, you can't do it. That's completely
Susan Lapin 34:19
protect each other. If they're you're part of, they're part of your whole life. And the other thing, and I think I started to say it earlier and didn't follow it up, is this may be one of the most controversial parts of our book. The holistic view is where we say, we talk about the myth of having it all first of all, but one of the things we say is that the closest you can come to having it all takes two people. The idea of an individual having it all is almost impossible. Two people together, a married couple as a partner, can come closer to having it all because. Is, and that's, and this is missing from this article, where the idea is no difference male female, no difference in what you should be pursuing or what you might be
Daniel Lapin 35:08
doing. Marriage, I don't think plays much of a role.
Susan Lapin 35:12
They talk about one of the women leaving a marriage. Marriage failed,
Daniel Lapin 35:15
yes, but that wasn't a problem.
Susan Lapin 35:18
A lot of these people are married, which is, again, that is, isn't that Rob Henderson's catalytic values talk that luxury values that he would was in college in Yale, and he had come from a hard scrabble background, and was not your typical. And he, the people he was with, would, would talk about how marriage is just a social construct, and it needs to be. We need to not make such a big deal of it. Well, they themselves were going to be married, but they were kind of taking it away. They were making it not cool for for other people who needed it in a way they didn't the same way they would. They talked about how unimportant money is as they went off to work for investment banks. Yes, that's right, they didn't have to worry. So I feel like this article in the same way, a lot of the people in this article actually are married without a discussion, without a thought of you have a part of a part of your life, a section of your life is is working, yes. And yet, when you write an article like this, if you would tell somebody, and you would tell an up and coming youngster who does not come from family money. Oh, don't worry about money. Money is
Daniel Lapin 36:27
not on your health, your physical health.
Susan Lapin 36:31
And the other part is that we possible.
Daniel Lapin 36:35
No, we've covered this in the holistic you. How can you expect to have mental health. If you struggle financially,
Susan Lapin 36:43
right, you're not going to or family wise or fitness wise. It's, it's much, much harder. And the other thing, and the aspect that's missing here at all, and we know people, we happen to know a few people who have family legacies, and that family legacies have many financial, trust fund, trust fund babies, and they grew up knowing that they did not have to, ever have to work, and they didn't, and they didn't, or they worked on what they were in love with and passionate about, but without the feeling of that, when it hits a rough spot, I have to see my way through the rough spot, because I have to pay my rent at the end of the month. So it doesn't matter
Daniel Lapin 37:20
when God says, When the Bible says, God put Adam in the Garden of Eden to work it that was paradise. That was before the fall, not after. Yeah, there is a joy in worship
Susan Lapin 37:33
that that's missing here, not only a joy, but which and again, we talked about this in the book. I know I we're repeating this ad nauseum. It's a really good book, though, but what we talk about the fact that, particularly for a man who he is, is very tied into what he does, and that for work, how he earns a living, and the trust fund babies that we know ended up would have done much better had they not, had they not known that they did not need to work, because the money you get from working is a sign that you've pleased somebody, that you've been doing something somebody else finds it valuable. You could work really hard. We could spend our day today walking around our house moving furniture. That would be a lot of hard work. We would not get a penny for it, and that's a sign that it's not work that's actually valuable to anyone else. And when you know that, when you don't know that, you need to have a value for in somebody else's eyes, men need that very much, that then the sense
Daniel Lapin 38:32
and women need men to have it. In other words, something we again talk about controversial aspects of the book that it can be really, really problematic for a woman if her man exhibits no financial ambition. Really problematic, right? Let people hear you say, right, right, right.
Susan Lapin 39:00
Most people are
Susan Lapin 39:02
listening. Not looking sorry, right?
Daniel Lapin 39:06
But it's completely not true, the opposite. In other words, a man is not going to love or pick or be infatuated with a woman because of her financial ambition.
Susan Lapin 39:21
Well, if he is, then he's not very worth a good idea to go, yeah.
Daniel Lapin 39:26
I mean, so it's a huge difference. And by the way, here's a terrible thought, more than one of the men you and I are thinking in mind who are trust fund babies never married.
Susan Lapin 39:38
That's true. That's true, and that was partially because they did not give across to women a masculine, a masculine vibe. Yeah, yes. Okay, so I think we have pretty
Daniel Lapin 39:51
much just want to read. I just want to get,
Susan Lapin 39:56
want to go and read the online comments. Yes,
Daniel Lapin 39:59
we'll look at that. I. I just wanted to read this paragraph from the article, wealth, status and occupation are no longer the gold standard when it comes to defining success for adults who have yet to reach middle age, instead, young Americans rank physical and mental health as the top measures of success. Wealth came in fifth according to a recent survey of adults aged 18 to 34 and we add all of whom don't have to worry about money,
Susan Lapin 40:28
well, certainly the ones interviewed Yes, but we would absolutely agree it wasn't. It's not the good should never be having a certain amount in your bank account. Should never be your measure of success. Of course not. We would absolutely agree with that. I just think that people who act on, if anyone was to act on this article, they'll find out that they will. They're missing other things.
Daniel Lapin 40:52
There's a sad collection of letters, not letters, but discussions on the internet, and it's, I think it's entitled waiting for a proposal, and it's women talking about the fact that the guy's not proposing and time is going by and it's not happening, and they sort of ask their sisters on the on the discussion board, he tells me that he wants to get engaged just as soon as he's got enough for us to buy a house. Is that valid? And all the girls pour onto you know, it's just another excuse. It's just another easy he's just trying to postpone it and have the benefits of you as a girlfriend without having to propose. But, but that's the idea that all 5f of your life have to be or four have to be put on hold till you achieve a certain financial target. No, that is not. But now the inverse of that is
Susan Lapin 41:59
you can't put that one on hold while you're achieving all the other That's
Daniel Lapin 42:03
right, exactly, because you won't, you won't, for one thing, you won't make a good marriage if you have no financial prospects, which is why, since time immemorial, girls fathers have always said to the young man knocking on the door or waiting to pick her, pick the daughter up. You know what? What are your prospects?
Susan Lapin 42:25
Now you're talking of another generation. There are most girls do not have a father. First of all, many girls don't have a father living in the same home with them. Then they're not living in the same home because they're now in their mid 20s, they've moved out. So even if they do have a mother and a father in their childhood home. They're not in their childhood home. And as that is, that is very anachronistic, but what is still what happens is that the woman herself does a woman herself wants to know, what are your financial prospects.
Daniel Lapin 42:55
Nonetheless, even though it's anachronistic and it makes me sound of a previous generation, which I'm not but I still think I have to say it, because, although it may be diminishing numbers of people who can relate to it directly from their own personal experience, I still think there is value in teaching pure mathematics. In other words, here's how it ought to be. I know it's not that way for you, for you and for you, and probably for the majority of people listening, but it's still worth knowing, because at some point or another, who knows, but normality may be rebuilt. Could happen, okay? And if it does, it'll be with the help of the holistic you.
Susan Lapin 43:47
Yeah, you were right. It is, I mean, it's starting by talking about holistic and but it's leaving, it's leaving early, a living out of the holistic. And I think it's missing
Susan Lapin 43:56
so much, didn't they use the word holistic, even in in the article,
Daniel Lapin 44:01
I worried about being 40 or 50 and not having any interest outside of work, says Smith, his priorities have shifted, and that success is about, is about having a more holistic life.
Susan Lapin 44:16
And we would totally agree with that. You have a very wrong idea of what success was, but neither should you downplay the importance of the financial aspect of your life.
Daniel Lapin 44:28
Well, thank you, Susan, I enjoyed discussing the article with you, and we
Susan Lapin 44:33
always enjoy discussing articles together. We usually end up, I mean, that's, I guess, why we're married, because we usually end up, even if we don't start at pretty much, we end up, yeah, we getting, reaching a point of agreement. But on this one, we started out in agreement.
Daniel Lapin 44:47
We've done. We wrote,
Susan Lapin 44:49
hashing it
Susan Lapin 44:50
out, writing the book for sure. All
Daniel Lapin 44:53
right, so download your free copy of boost your income, which admittedly focus. Is on finances, but then you can cover the holistic you and make sure you've got everything else. So go ahead and download that at Rabbi Daniel lapin.com if you haven't subscribed, please subscribe and join us as a happy warrior. Become a member of our happy warrior community. I didn't ask you to do that yet.
Susan Lapin 45:19
People will know. Should know is that there, this is the podcast for everybody, but there is a podcast segment that's a bonus podcast that goes only to we happy warrior
Daniel Lapin 45:30
members. And you know that when you're a happy warrior member, you can go to the happy warrior site and all the bonuses, all the all the shorter podcasts that have been prepared exclusively for happy warrior members are all this. You can listen to them and catch up in any order, or catch up with them,
Susan Lapin 45:48
and along with a lot of other membership perks, yeah, that is one of them that there isn't.
Daniel Lapin 45:52
And we should do one of those together as well, because on that podcast, I do the things that I may be reticent about saying completely publicly.
Susan Lapin 46:01
So yes, I've noticed how you just don't like ruffling feathers, and you just
Daniel Lapin 46:05
well, you know, my paths are the paths of righteousness, and my ways are the ways of peace. So it is. Thanks so much for being part of the show, Susan and I love being together with you, and we wish you a week of moving onwards and upwards with your families and your finances, your faith, your friendships and your fitness. God bless you.
