TRANSCRIPT
*Transcripts are auto-generated and reviewed for accuracy, but there may be some errors in punctuation or words. Listen to the podcast at https://rabbidaniellapin.libsyn.com/ for clarification
The Rabbi Daniel Lapin Podcast
Episode: The One Thing a Man and a Woman Must Do To Raise a Thrilling Child
Date: 01/05/2026 Length: 00:43:36
Daniel Lapin 0:00
Greetings, Happy Warriors and thank you for being part of the Rabbi Daniel Lapin show, as I prepare to bring to you the very first podcast, the very first episode of The Rabbi Daniel Lapin show that I am recording in 2026 but of course, the date is not that important, because we are looking at Evergreen realities, things that are as true today as they were 1000 years ago, and as true Today as they will be in 200 years time, it doesn't make any difference. The principles remain the same. And so the technology changes, obviously, and when it comes to the physical aspects of the world, the chemical structure of matter, the secrets of the atom, nuclear power, all of those things every generation knows a little more than the generation before. And this is one of the remarkable things about human beings, because chimpanzees today live in pretty much exactly the way chimpanzees lived 1000 years ago. Elephants in the wild on the African savanna today live pretty much the way they lived 500 years ago in the same place. But human beings today do not live anything like the way we lived, let alone 500,000 not even as close to how we lived 100 years ago. My goodness, people first flew, the very first heavier than air, mechanically powered airplane was the Wright brothers, and that was in 1903 and so that's, you know, I mean, gosh, that's amazing how recently that was. And yet today, just think how far airplane travelers come. Think about motor cars. They seem simple and straightforward, but think about the miracle of tires. Can you imagine a material that you can put on your wheels and it'll run for 20 or 25,000 miles, sometimes giving a comfortable and gentle ride because they are filled with air. Do you know how hard it is to come up with rubber that will work, or the actual material is not pure rubber that goes into tires, and that's just a simple thing, you know, let alone Novocaine that makes dental procedures tolerable. So things in human in human development change in terms of our physical reality, but our spiritual reality stays the same. By that, I mean our relationship with our parents. Not a lot of difference there male female relationships, the glory and the pain and the joy and the ecstasy and the difficulties and the challenges that Abraham had with Sarah and Sarah had with Abraham are the same as you and I have today and they're exactly the same as Louis the 16th had in Paris in those tumultuous days, and they're exactly the same as the male female challenges your grandson or granddaughter is going to have down the road. Those things don't change, and by giving them new labels, you don't automatically create pathologies when somebody says, well, that's sexist. What does that mean? Just because you call it something doesn't mean it is something. And the fact is, male and female are different, and men and women look at money entirely differently. Is that true for every single No, because men and women can modify their feelings over a period of time. For instance, a man might say, I'm not a materialistic person. Money doesn't mean much to me. Well, in many cases, and very often, somebody might say that to me. Very often the translation for that is, I've not been successful at making money, so I've turned it into a virtue. I've made myself a more virtuous person, because I don't really care about money. But deep down, well, like all people, you do, rightly speaking, you should. And so physical and spiritual human beings are really remarkable, because we are the only ones that change our physical reality so dramatically from generation to generation. Chimpanzees and elephants are exactly the same. This ability we have to build upon the shoulders of the previous generation, unique to human beings and. So what I'd like to do today is welcome you into my workshop and let us take a little look at how it is that we extract the fundamental truths and the permanent principles of how the world really works from the words in Scripture, and exactly how we bring that about how that happens and why it is that there is so much value in ancient Hebrew wisdom. So I'm going to try and give you an example of that. But first of all, if you are not yet a happy warrior, make sure that you join our happy warrior community, because there will be a special bonus podcast available exclusively for happy warrior members, people who are part of the community and we love that we have a chance to interact with you, and we ask and answer questions and have discussions on the happy warriors website, which all of which is terrific. So do that, and also about half the people who listen to the show regularly done subscribe, according to the statistics that that we get. So please don't be part of that community. Be part of the community that does subscribe. And go ahead and make that happen, if you will. So Right? Let us take a look at some of the way, or at least one particular example of how timeless truths emerge from the actual words, but it doesn't happen in translation, or at least it doesn't happen very often in translation, because the Lord's language is so rich in meaning and significance and connection. But instead of talking about it, why don't I actually just show you? So take the word tent. It shows up in English many, many times, particularly in in Genesis, but elsewhere as well. And I dare say that if you are like by the way, let me just mention this,
Daniel Lapin 7:15
whether or not you are a religious person, whether you are a Bible believing person, regardless of that, you nonetheless, obviously ought to have a Bible in your home, right? I mean, there is no more significant book in the story of Western civilization than the Bible. There's nothing more significant, you know that and what is more, it's also the book that has been more published than any other book, more copies of this have been printed than any so whether or no home, no home should be without a Bible, seriously, and ideally, maybe even more than one copy. I have many copies, but the one I like using is what i is. What is the Rabbi Daniel Lapin recommended Bible. You go on to the website, www Rabbidaniellapin.com, and if you go to the store, look for the recommended Bible. Pick yourself up with coffee. There's some really terrific things about it, and I'm not going to I'm not trying to sell it. I'm trying to make you aware of the existence of something every home should have, not necessarily this edition, although this happens to be exceptionally good, and you'll enjoy also seeing even though, of course, I know you don't read Hebrew, most likely, but you'll enjoy seeing how the graphics of the Hebrew page look, because they look exactly the Same way as they look in a Torah scroll, and it's worth being aware. I mean the origin of the English idea of a paragraph, where you come to the end of a section and you leave the rest of the line blank and you start a new line that's straight from this. That's the origin of the idea of a paragraph. So at any rate, be that as it may, let us take a look at the word tent. So the odds are that, if you, like most people, you probably assume tent was, you know, in those far off primitive days, they didn't have houses built of brick or houses built of wood framing and drywall. No, they just lived in tents. The only problem with that is that there are times that Scripture uses tents, but there are other times it uses houses, and it's perfectly clear that people have houses, and so are these just synonyms for dwelling places, not exactly. And a good place to take a look is when, okay, father, Abraham and Sarah eventually have a child, and his name is Isaac, and as behooves the duty of any father, you have an obligation to make sure that your children get married. That's part of. Parents' responsibility. I know that today, these words sound archaic and primitive, but I'm talking about how the world really works, and if we have superimposed a veneer of dysfunction on the world now, there's no reason to regard that as normal. It may be common, but that doesn't mean it's normal. Normal is what ought to be, how the world really works. Common is what the mess that people have made of it today. So anything can happen, but let's take a look. Abraham goes ahead and arranges for a young woman to be become Isaac's wife. And we're looking at chapter 24 the end of Genesis. Chapter 24 right at the end. And her name is Rifka or Rebecca. But one of the nice things about this Bible is that it actually gives you the names in the Hebrew transliteration, instead of coming up with a completely separate name. We are accustomed to calling her Rebecca, but her Hebrew name was Rifka, and that's what you'll see in the English translation I'm reading from here verse 64 in in chapter 24 and Rifka lifted up her eyes, and when she saw Yitzchak, that means, Isaac, she descended from the camel, and she said to the servant who brought her, who is this man who's coming in the field to meet us? And the servant said, It is my master. Therefore she took her veil and covered herself, and the servant told Yitzchak all the things that he had done, and listen to this. And Yitzchak brought her into his mother, Sarah's tent. Now Sarah had been dead for a while, and so what does this mean? Why would a man bring a young lady who has just arrived on great faith. She's made a journey on faith, and the first thing he does is take her into this tent of a long dead woman, what filled with cobwebs and all kinds of dusty memorabilia, what a gruesome introduction to her new family for a young girl. Why would he do that? But that's my friends, not what a tent means in biblical nomenclature. In ancient Jewish wisdom, a tent is a word that means your entire spiritual schematic, your comprehensive world view, your system of values, your moral framework. And so what could be more natural or obvious. Really, you shouldn't have even needed me to tell you this. He's just made his new wife. Basically what he's got to say to us, listen, you're now entering the family. That is a new thing for you. We're very different from everybody else. We're Hebrews, and so that means we're on the other side of everybody else. And so you kind of have to forget the worldview and the values framework of your family. And you now need to, yeah, forget your father, Lavan, forget your father, your brother. Lavan, forget your father, betuel, and you must now adopt the values of my family. If my mother was here, still alive, she would bring you under her wing, and she'd introduce you to your role as the wife of her son. She's not here, so I'm going to do the best I can. I'm going to bring you into her tent. I'm going to introduce her you to her system of values, and in the hope that you will become like her, not in a mirror image kind of a way, or a replica kind of a way, but in terms of intrinsic values, you will acquire those of hers. That is what a tent means. So now let us back up just a little bit. Let's go to chapter 12 in Genesis, shall we? And this is the defining moment that begins the creation of the Hebrew people. This is where God says to Abraham lecher, this is chapter 12, verse one, I want you to start journeying. And Abraham might have raised his eyebrows as if to say where. And God says, Never mind. I'll tell you. Meanwhile, your job is to get out of your comfort zone. Your job is to be willing to move because if you. Do everything today just the way you did yesterday, then I can promise you tomorrow will be just like today. But I want you to be a person of growth. Abraham, you must go onwards and upwards. That means I have an instruction to you, which is now constant, move, be willing to move. And in verse four, you have this transformational moment where the verse four says, By yelech Avraham, Abraham went, started this journey, just as God had told him. And then we get this very strange thing. And verse eight, and he moved from there to the mountain in the east of Beth at Bethel, and he pitched his tent. That's what it says. But there's a bit of a problem, because in Hebrew, nouns reveal the possessor. Possessive by the suffix. So for instance, if you put an or at the end of or hell, or hell is the tent. You put an or sound at the end, it's his tent. Put an ah sound at the end, it's her tent. And those are spelt a little bit differently. The odd thing is, and again, if you were looking in this particular Bible, then I would show you examples of where tent is spelled regularly, or his tent or her tent. And here in chapter 12, verse eight. It's spelt as a kind of a hybrid. It's her tent and his tent.
Daniel Lapin 16:48
And so what? What is Abraham? Well, it's very simple. Abraham and Sarah are coordinating on building their unit of God's given him a mission, and they're getting organized now. They're building their unified moral vision. They're developing their worldview. And after all, isn't that what is a vital part of every happy, fulfilling, joyful, successful marriage, where husband and wife are on the same page, not in terms of how they like to be entertained, old time movies, modern westerns, whatever it is, but in terms of lasting spiritual values, how we feel about children, how we feel about relationships, how we feel about God, how We feel about family, how we feel about finance and money. Because, after all, in a marriage that is actually a real marriage, it is a sharing of a bank account and a bed. It's money and sex are the essence they would lie at the root of a marriage. This is one of the reasons, of course, that young women know that early in a dating process, they're just getting to know a young man and he wants to give them an expensive, monetarily valuable gift. They it makes them uncomfortable. They understand because in the same ways they would be uncomfortable at a presumptuous reach towards physical intimacy. Both money and physical intimacy belong to a later stage of permanent commitment. But if a young man wants to give an expensive piece of jewelry, most young women will be uncomfortable because they realize that that implies a closeness and an intimacy that doesn't yet exist. When does it exist? Well, when they get engaged, there's now a commitment, and what happens then is she's happy to receive a diamond engagement ring. Why? Because now I don't mind, I'm excited to receive a monetary value from you, but before now, because a monetary value signifies an intimacy exactly the same way that physical intimacy implies intimacy, needless to say, goes without saying so and so they are getting their act together. That's what you do during a dating period. You know, most of that time for it to be a value, it's to see whether we can build a shared tent. That's what you're trying to do. There's no you know, don't waste time on seeing if you like the same movies. The key thing is, can you build a shared tent? Can you build a unified spiritual schematic? Can you build your tent, something that wraps the two of you in a cocoon of moral security? That's what you have to do. And so, as Abraham now embarks on his mission that God gives him at the beginning of chapter 12 in Genesis, verse eight, he and Sarah build their tent. And that's why the Hebrew doesn't say he pitched his tent. It says he built their tent. His tent and her tent is literally what it says together in English. It doesn't include that. And so you miss the point. But here's the big question, why, or why would it now be necessary to do it? True, God has laid out their mission for them. But something else has happened. How old is Abraham at this point? Well, we've just been told that Abraham is 75 years old. That is chapter 12, verse four, and so he's 75 years old. Sarah, therefore is 65 years old, well into middle age, and so no children. And so they had settled down to the idea that they were not going to have children, and that is why, at a certain point, Abraham and Sarah arranged for Hagar to be part of their family, and for Hagar to live with Abraham. And for that, because they'd given up, and all of a sudden, God says something rather extraordinary. Here. He says to thy seed, I will give this land. What the shocking piece of information here is that there's going to be seed. He's going to have children. Well, as soon as he knows that he and Sarah are going to have children, what's the next thing we have to do? Hey, we'd better get our act together. And that's one of the reasons ancient Jewish wisdom said, Why did God arrange it that our gestation period is nine months? If God wanted to, couldn't he have just made it possible that a husband and wife sleep together, and next day we got a baby. Now, God wanted there to be nine months. You know what? For to build their tent so that by the time the baby arrives with that couple, husband and wife are on the same page. They have really built a tent into which they can welcome this new young baby. Wonderful. What a terrific idea. And that is a really important concept. Being on the same page is absolutely critical. I want to give you an example of where we find house we go to Genesis, chapter 27 and if you're using this Bible, it's the bottom of page 77 and it says, And Rifka took the best clothes of her eldest son, Esau, which in Hebrew is asav, which Were with her in the house. Here, it doesn't say 10, because it's talking about the physical structure of the house she went into her structure. I don't know if it was built a stone. I don't know if it was built of wooden framing and dry wall. I don't know if it was built a brick. I have absolutely no idea. In very much earlier, in chapter 11, we encounter the building of bricks. So obviously these were building materials they had. And since here, we are being told that Rifka, that Rebecca, entered the house whatever it was made of, in order to find to go to a room where there was a closet, and she took out some special clothes she wanted her son, Jacob Yaakov, to wear it's house, because there's nothing more than the physical structure the dwelling. But whenever you see tent used, oh, it means something entirely different. Listen to the birth of Jacob, and we're looking at Genesis. Chapter 25 page 73 if you're using my Bible, and listen to this top line on the page. And after that, out came his breath. This is the birth of the two brothers, born to Isaac and Rebecca. And the two brothers are Esau, oldest, Jacob, next and um the boys grew and Esau was a cunning hunter, a man of the field, and Jacob was a simple man, a dweller of tents. What does that mean? If you want to say he was a stay at home, kind of guy could have said dwelling in houses, but no tents means that Jacob was enchanted by the existence of a spiritual reality. He dwelt in tents. That's what a tent is. A house surrounds you with bricks and mortar or. Stones or framing and dry wall. That's, that's a house, but a tent. Think of it. It's ephemeral. It's it blows in the wind. A tent represents the spiritual world that surrounds you, the spiritual structure that you have created. And it's you. Each family has it, but it's got it's got to be coherent in a family, a husband and wife that do not have the same tent, that don't dwell in the same tent, can ever be a joyful and peaceful marriage. So it's obviously vitally important. Listen to one more final example, end of the Five Books of Moses Deuteronomy, chapter 33, and verse nine, verse 18, and ye Sachar, you will be in your tents. Ye Sachar was one of the 12 sons of Jacob, and he was the spiritual teacher in the Book of Chronicles, I think it highlights that. But in so how do we know that is the spiritual teacher? Because all it says about him is you will be in tents. Moses said to him, you and your tents. Yeah, that's right, the tent means a spiritual reality, that's just what it means. And I hope that that is very clear to you, that the word, the Hebrew word, by it means a house, and that means a residence, a wall, walls, floors, roof and or hell means a moral matrix, a worldview, a system of values. Okay, so
Daniel Lapin 26:51
that is part, but it's only part of the whole story. For the rest of the story. Listen to this. You thought I was going to say, tune back in next week, right? I wouldn't torment you in that fashion. Why would I do that? I know you wouldn't get a wink of sleep until I gave you the rest of these of the story. So naturally, Abraham and Sarah spend time on their tent because obviously God has just told them you're going to have children. Well, we'd better make absolutely sure that our child grows up in a home where mom and dad are on the same page. Any idea how important that is, so important that nothing should be proclaimed to the child if mom and dad haven't worked it out with each other, and it's so important that even if one of them speaks without thinking, even if one of them said, if you do this, then that can happen that could be very much not with the two of them planned or prepared, but they shouldn't exhibit their disagreement. Now, I don't know what modern therapy tells I have no idea, and I don't care, but I will tell you, in the timeless truths of ancient Jewish wisdom, mom and dad should not disagree with one another in front of the children. Oh, in private, you do, of course, and you talk it out, and you work out your tent. You work out your combined spiritual solution to whatever it is we're going to go to Disneyland for the vacation. No, I told them that Disneyland is suspended. We withheld it. Oh, don't do that. No, let's decide what we're going to do. But don't let them see that we can't make up. We haven't yet decided that we differ from one another on the question of whether we should go to Disneyland or any other question at all. It doesn't make any difference, but you want to make absolutely sure. So this is called Building your tent, of course, and so, so now what we have to look at is the practical application of this idea of how important it is that Abraham and Sarah built their tent before they had a child arrive in the world now nine months, if you haven't done any work on this before, and mom and dad only start trying to build their tent when they Discover that they're pregnant, nine months isn't really long enough. You really need to work on this before you got married, and if you cannot pull it together, that's a perfectly good reason not to get married. But we loved one another. What's that got to do with anything in real terms, love is an ephemeral emotion, and ladies, if you're willing to marry a guy because he says, I love you, we're in love. Well, then in 20 years time, when he falls in love with someone else, you'd better accept that, because since you've already announced and agreed that marriage is based on the emotion of love, we're. It's not there you have to end the marriage. But I cannot tell you how many people, and it's more than 20. More than 20 people who spoke to me came to speak to me about wanting to get a divorce, both men and women, and thank God my training and my background and my Everything helps people get past a divorce crisis. That's what I do. And at least more than 20 people, years and years later, and just so 18 months ago, I met many, many people who had been in this situation. How many years earlier, 20 years earlier, 25 years earlier, and they were overwhelmed with gratitude, because having got past the crisis, they salvaged the marriage, put it together, built it beyond. And they were very, very happy because a fulfilling, joyous marriage of with intense, a unified worldview, it's a wonderful recipe for happiness in life, and it's difficult. It's difficult to come back from a divorce. I'll tell you that it just is hard to come back from a divorce. It really is. So what we need to do now is take a look at Deuteronomy, chapter 21
Daniel Lapin 31:38
if you would, chapter 21 verse 18, okay, and I'll read it in the English, but you're soon going to see how much more there is. If a man has a stubborn and rebellious son who will not obey the voice of his father or the voice of his mother, then shall his father and his mother lay hold of him, bring him to the elders of the city and the gate? In other words, when a father and mother have a rebellious son, a stubborn son, a son who will not accept or be part of the family's tent. They have to do something about it, and it becomes the problem of the community. They actually bring him to court. Why? Well, because the biggest problem for the durability of a society, and you want a durability in your society, don't you? Don't you want to know that your children and your grandchildren will be able to continue living peacefully and tranquilly and prosperously in the society in which you are. You don't want upheaval. Predictability is a great asset. It's not boring. It's wonderful. You want to live in a place where, if you go through an intersection on a green light, you do not have to worry about a semi truck, 18 wheeler coming barreling through in the other direction and T boning you. You don't have to worry you know why? Because things are predictable. Everyone stops at a red light. People go on a green light that is just at its most basic. Do you want predictable laws? Sure, you don't want laws that will criminalize things tomorrow that today were not criminal. You don't want laws that will decriminalize things like shoplifting that yes, because these things disrupt society. You don't want tax laws to change constantly, each and every year or with every single administration, because you can't build for the future, you can't invest, you can't plan. Predictability is fantastic. Therefore, the most important function of a family is to convey the values of today to the generation of tomorrow, and we even build institutions to do that. We call them schools or universities, but when public schools abandon that mission and become geeks government indoctrination centers, well, they stop doing that, and when universities become places to shatter the boundaries of the past and to obliterate the values and traditions of the last two or 300 years. Don't expect that society to long survive. The role of the family is to Conway when, when societies decay and deteriorate and die, it's very seldom because of cataclysmic external events. It's usually they whimper to death because they've simply lost the ability. Transfer intergenerational values, and so where is this most visibly seen crime you follow that you don't have to go back very far take a criminal in today's society, and in all probability, his grandparents or great grandparents were law abiding, good people. What happened? A failure of conveying the values work. There are many, many people in America who are now several generations of non working. They're on the dole. They're on welfare. It corrodes their souls. It's destructive. It's bad for everybody and for everything. Occasional short term help for obviously, you have a safety net, but people whose way of life is welfare, the Somalis in Minnesota, whose way of life, apparently, is fraud and theft. This is not the values of those stout Swedes who built Minnesota in the first place. And Somalis are not the only ones. You only have to go back a few generations, and people were more wholesome and more healthy, surrounded by their tents of solid Judeo Christian value systems that how far back do you have to go? Anybody who's been in America a few generations and today is behaving in a very destructive fashion, you only have to go back a few generations to see that this is not what was true. It wasn't always true. It's changed because since 1960 62 I like saying we have failed. That was when things began to turn around up till then there was intergenerational continuity. Divorce was rare. Families were strong, and then it begins to go. So now we've got quite, you know, a lot of years, right? 60 years that's been going on, and that's more than two generations. And so societies deteriorate and decay and eventually die because of failure to convey those values that built up the society in the first place 200 years ago. And that's true for the British, the American, you can look anywhere you like. I've done other shows where I've discussed this in depth, but for now, to just understand that if a family down the road is producing children who are not being acculturated to the value system of the culture, and they are not being provided with a framework of values and a spiritual schematic. You have a legitimate claim, a complaint against that family. You you can say to them by allowing your children to become juvenile delinquents, you are not doing something good. You're hurting us all, because those children will grow up without the values that made you wonderful neighbors, and we aren't looking forward to the day when your children become our neighbors and become our children's neighbors because they are without the values you have. This is one of the reasons divorce is everybody's business. It's not just the couple getting divorced, particularly if they have children, because the children of divorced couples suffer with all kinds of pathologies. It's everybody's business. Don't think that divorce is nobody's business. It is. It's all of our business. And so this is why the reliable and durable structure of society requires that if a if parents have a son who is off the path and is becoming a delinquent, then they should step in very early and turn to the culture, turn to society, and say, We need help. This has to be solved. We cannot allow in a society that we all wish to be durable and stable and long term predictable. We got to make sure that each generation absorbs the tent of the previous generation. But why? Why is this sun stubborn and rebellious? What's so wrong? And here you have to read. Carefully, and you have to know the principle that in ancient Jewish wisdom, it is an established reality that the Torah wastes no ink. It will always choose the shortest way to express the information and to convey the data, and if it uses a long way, you better stop and take a good look as to why. Notice the wording here. I'll read it again. You heard me just say it. If a man has a stubborn and rebellious son who will not obey the voice of his father or the voice of his mother, why doesn't it just say, doesn't listen to the voice of his parents, and you've got the answer now. You know why? Because Mom and Dad were not on the same page. You want to know why there is a child who grows up resisting and rejecting the values of his parents because he didn't have parents. He had a voice of a mother and a voice of the Father. And these were two separate voices, completely separate. It doesn't say this wicked, rebellious son didn't listen to his parents. No, he didn't listen to his father and he didn't listen to his mother. He didn't know which one to listen to. They were they were usually in disagreements with each other.
Daniel Lapin 41:21
That's what you got to see. It's crucial. And so this would be an example of how using and some of these books right here behind me that lay out these details, and some of these books were written many, many, in some cases, 2000 years ago. I have a recent addition, obviously, and they say, Hey, Lapin, in case you missed the fact that it says mother and father, the voice of his mother and the voice of his father instead of the voice of his parents. Hey, here's what's going on. You got to recognize this in the context of Abraham and Sarah building their tent and the whole idea of just how important it is for everybody to be on exactly the same page. I do hope that this is something that is making sense to you and that you enjoyed this example of just how this all comes together. And so my dear friends, the website is www.rabbianiellapin.com, the membership is the Happy Warriors community. And you know that we welcome you to join us at the Happy Warriors community, just go to wehappywarriors.com and that is where we hang out. So thanks for being part of the show. Thank you for spreading the word on the show. I really do appreciate that. Subscribe to whatever platform you're listening on or watching on, and until next week, remember your job is to focus, not on whether China and Russia are going to object to Venezuela's predicaments, and not to worry about what is going to happen to the tariff structure. Your job is above all, to focus on your finances and on your family, on your fitness, on your friendships and on your faith. I'm Rabbi Daniel Lapin, thanks for being with us. God Bless.
